Virtual Christmas Shopping
Yesterday, I talked about receiving gifts. Today it's about
giving. It's almost NOVEMBER! So I have been doing a little
online Christmas shopping for my blogfriends. I have tried to
find just the right gift for each person.
Let's start with Rebecca, so she will feel important. Rebecca is
one of the few people who can insult me while making me
laugh. Rebecca has a problem finding shoes that fit, so I thought
this would make a good gift.
And you won't even have to
paint your toenails now, Bec!
Next, let's see what Hillbilly Santa has for DeadpanAnn. Miss
Ann is a fellow teacher. She knows all about nonsensical
bureaucracy, and kids who are doing the very best they can in
spite of how they've been raised, and about the kids we will
never be able to reach, even though we knock ourselves out
trying day after day. So for you, Sistah, I have two gifts. Don't
y'all go getting jealous of Miss Ann. Sometimes you just find
gifts that fit the person, and I found two for her and can't decide.
How about these little critters
to remind her of her ferrets-on-
crack?
And what's not to like
about this apple-for-the
teacher butt-pillow so she
can rest her tired feet?
Redneck Diva gets something to help ward off her spooky
spirits that fling things around her kitchen.
They will see these
ghoulies, and think:
"Gosh darn it! This house
is ALREADY haunted!"
Sorry, Diva, I didn't find
any yellow-jacket spray.
For Rachel, I have some nice reading material.
I believe she has a thirst for
knowledge. In fact, she yearns
for it. OK, I stole that from
Charlene on Designing Women.
But, hey...that show has been
off the air for over 10 years,
so maybe nobody will notice.
Misha, with all that wine your dad gives you as a gift, you
need something to keep it fresh.
That is, assuming you don't drink the
whole bottle at one sitting. I don't know
if that's a lot of wine or not. I've never
been a wine drinker. I think of it as grape
juice gone bad. Kind of like my blog is
writing gone bad. Sorry I didn't get you
SIX of them, girl. You'll just have to open
one bottle at a time.
My teacher friend, Mabel...you come last because you don't
have a blog, and can't complain about being last where everyone
can hear. Since you are clean, and like cows, I thought this
would be appropriate.
And you're not really last,
because I am buying myself
a gift.
Here's what I'm getting myself:
The reason why is self-explanatory,
no? And why am I speaking with a
foreign syntax now?
I don't know some of my blogfriends' tastes well enough yet
to give them personalized gifts. You will all get a large tub of
home-made Chex mix. It is Hillbilly Mom's special recipe,
and it is spectacular. Just ask Mabel. She gets it every year.
For all of you who drop in but are too afraid of me to leave a
comment, help yourselves to a candy cane off the Christmas tree.
Well, once we put it up. Right now it is in a box beside the pool
table. The artificial one, not the real Scotch Pine one. We have
peppermint, cherry, Hawaiian Punch, and pina colada. And if any
of you have sugar issues, there is a bowl of Russell Stover Pecan
Delight sugar-free Turtles under the tree. OK, so they're from
eight years ago when I was pregnant with #2 son. These things
don't go bad, do they? Hey! They're FREE, people!
Do you think I'm rushing the season? One year I had all my
Christmas shopping done by October. If you don't celebrate
Christmas, and I've given you a gift, don't be offended. I meant
well. It's the thought that counts, right?
giving. It's almost NOVEMBER! So I have been doing a little
online Christmas shopping for my blogfriends. I have tried to
find just the right gift for each person.
Let's start with Rebecca, so she will feel important. Rebecca is
one of the few people who can insult me while making me
laugh. Rebecca has a problem finding shoes that fit, so I thought
this would make a good gift.And you won't even have to
paint your toenails now, Bec!
Next, let's see what Hillbilly Santa has for DeadpanAnn. Miss
Ann is a fellow teacher. She knows all about nonsensical
bureaucracy, and kids who are doing the very best they can in
spite of how they've been raised, and about the kids we will
never be able to reach, even though we knock ourselves out
trying day after day. So for you, Sistah, I have two gifts. Don't
y'all go getting jealous of Miss Ann. Sometimes you just find
gifts that fit the person, and I found two for her and can't decide.
How about these little critters
to remind her of her ferrets-on-
crack?
And what's not to like
about this apple-for-the
teacher butt-pillow so she
can rest her tired feet?
Redneck Diva gets something to help ward off her spooky
spirits that fling things around her kitchen.
They will see these
ghoulies, and think:
"Gosh darn it! This house
is ALREADY haunted!"
Sorry, Diva, I didn't find
any yellow-jacket spray.
For Rachel, I have some nice reading material.
I believe she has a thirst for
knowledge. In fact, she yearns
for it. OK, I stole that from
Charlene on Designing Women.
But, hey...that show has been
off the air for over 10 years,
so maybe nobody will notice.
Misha, with all that wine your dad gives you as a gift, you
need something to keep it fresh.
That is, assuming you don't drink the
whole bottle at one sitting. I don't know
if that's a lot of wine or not. I've never
been a wine drinker. I think of it as grape
juice gone bad. Kind of like my blog is
writing gone bad. Sorry I didn't get you
SIX of them, girl. You'll just have to open
one bottle at a time.
My teacher friend, Mabel...you come last because you don't
have a blog, and can't complain about being last where everyone
can hear. Since you are clean, and like cows, I thought this
would be appropriate.
And you're not really last,
because I am buying myself
a gift.
Here's what I'm getting myself:
The reason why is self-explanatory,
no? And why am I speaking with a
foreign syntax now?
I don't know some of my blogfriends' tastes well enough yet
to give them personalized gifts. You will all get a large tub of
home-made Chex mix. It is Hillbilly Mom's special recipe,
and it is spectacular. Just ask Mabel. She gets it every year.
For all of you who drop in but are too afraid of me to leave a
comment, help yourselves to a candy cane off the Christmas tree.
Well, once we put it up. Right now it is in a box beside the pool
table. The artificial one, not the real Scotch Pine one. We have
peppermint, cherry, Hawaiian Punch, and pina colada. And if any
of you have sugar issues, there is a bowl of Russell Stover Pecan
Delight sugar-free Turtles under the tree. OK, so they're from
eight years ago when I was pregnant with #2 son. These things
don't go bad, do they? Hey! They're FREE, people!
Do you think I'm rushing the season? One year I had all my
Christmas shopping done by October. If you don't celebrate
Christmas, and I've given you a gift, don't be offended. I meant
well. It's the thought that counts, right?
posted by Hillbilly Mom at 1:13 PM
15 Comments:
Not rushing the season at all. ONE year (and only one year) I had all my Christmas shopping done by July. By Christmas I couldn't find any of the crap I'd bought and had to go shopping in December to replace it. Never again.
Hi Hillbilly Mom,
I love the feet, they are so grouse. How ever I gave out a high pitch squeal of delight when I saw the Cow that Mabel is getting. Oh please, oh please, oh please, can I swap gifts with her? I am sure I have a bigger liking of Cows than Mabel. Infact, maybe her and I should have a cow off, to see who has the bigger collection.
HooRoo
Rebecca
Lessa,
It is very good. Even better than my mom's. My kid told her that once. She puts BUGLES in hers. That is just wrong. Chex Mix gone bad.
Jules,
I have lost things before when I bought them early. It is a balancing act--hide them well-enough from the kids, but not from myself.
Bec,
I will have to consult with Mabel about her "cowlection." I will see if she's interested in a cow-off. One year I gave her a "Cowlendar" for Christmas. I will ask her if she's willing to trade her cow for some feet. She has been wearing two different shoes, due to foot surgery over the summer. She might need a big foot.
I feel so special! Thanks, the ferrets on crack are perfect. Can I throw them at the kids? My feet will love the pillow. My significant other bought me a pair of shoes this weekend--they're both stylish and comfortable, so there's no way I could've afforded them. Never before has the gift of shoes made a man look so attractive. Come to think of it, nobody's ever given me shoes. 'Cept my mom. And she's not attractive. In that way I mean. Nevermind.
Miss Ann,
Fling those ferrets to your heart's content. What a guy! The way to a teacher's heart is through her sore feet.
How the heck did you find Hawaiian Punch candy canes? I'm jealous.
mmmmm, chex mix. A friend in Alabama always added M&M's to the batch she made for me. Yummm.
I suck so much that I have presents from LAST year that I still need to give. I may just rewrap, we'll see just how lazy I am by December.
Nique,
At Wal-mart, of course.
Kim,
Hmm...are you a re-gifter?
Re-gifter? WHAAAAAT? I've never even heard of that?
I am sorely offended madam!
Kim,
Seriously? You've never heard of 're-gifter'? You must not be a Seinfeld fan. It goes like this:
Jerry's dentist, Tim Whatley, gives Elaine a Label-Baby Jr. It so happens that Jerry gave Tim the Label-Baby Jr a while back. So Tim Whatley is a 're-gifter', because he took a gift he didn't want and gave it to Elaine.
That's how I remember it, anyway.
If you hang out here, get used to being offended. Everybody gets a turn. Rebecca gets two.
When you have children, you re-gift. It's a fact of life when your child gets four of the Barbies that Wal*Mart sold for $3 for the after-Thanksgiving sale. You just stockpile those cheap Barbies and give them out to other kids. In fact, there are probably only four of those Barbies actually made - people just keep passsing them around.
I'm just simply delighted by the spooks! They'll go great with the garland of garlic I'm hanging on my Christmas tree this year and the silver bullet shadow box collection and assortment of wooden stakes hanging in the dining room. I'm not taking any chances. If you've got ghosts I guess it's possible you could get other creatures, too.
Diva,
Your decor sounds delightful.
Hi Hillbilly Mom,
I get two goes at being offended? I think you may have lost count there darls. I'm happy for the next round of our war to start, bring it on!
HooRoo
Rebecca
Bec,
It is ONNNNNNNNN! That was clever of you to wait until after you got your virtual Christmas gift to resume the feudin'. NO COWS FOR YOU!!!
And Mabel was considering the cow-off, too! She named among her treasures: a Boyd cow (I don't know what that is, but she acted like it was valuable like a Hummel or something), a cow that sings "Old MacDonald Has a Farm" if you squeeze its hand (stupid me, I thought they had hooves), and a towel with a cow in an apron and chef's hat carrying garlic and stuff. She didn't say how many cows she has, but I think it's a lot.
Is it sad that I am going to seek out a copy of that book in real life? For a stranger you know me too well!
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