Out of the Mouths of DoNots
Even though we've had a short work week, my students have once
again given me something to talk about. They just don't know it.
Some things I overhear. For example...
"Oh, Beulah...she's your sister, isn't she?"
"My sister AND my cousin."
(Okaaaaayyyy. Now I not only have Grandpa-Dad to use for a
hillbilly inbreeding example, but I also have Sister-Cousin.
Who knew?)
"What were the schools like down there?"
"Where?"
"Tennessee."
"How would I know?"
"That's where you came from."
"I'm not from Tennessee. I'm from KENTUCKY!"
"Well, it's the same thing. They're just alike."
"They urinated in a water gun and went around spraying it at
the kids building the float."
"Allegedly."
"What's urinated mean."
"PEE. They peed in it and sprayed people."
"Ewww."
Some things, they ASK me...
"Did you hear about that coach who let the kids skip if they gave
him money?"
"No.Where was that?"
"In New York, I think. If they paid him a dollar, they could skip."
"How did they find out?"
"He told on himself. He was making about $300 a day."
"Why would a guy give a girl a brass doorknob?"
"You mean Tom and Becky?"
"Yeah. She wouldn't want a doorknob."
"It was a treasure to Tom. He gave her something he valued."
"That's messed up."
"Do you think I should quit McDonalds?"
"I don't know. Since they put those McChickens on the dollar
menu, haven't they gotten smaller? My 8-year-old took one look
and said, 'Hey! That is smaller than my kidburger.'"
"Haha! You should see those chicken patties. They look like
chicken nuggets!"
"I knew it!"
Some things they tell me...
"That was a good story you read us, but I kept hoping that one
kid would die, and he never did."
"Which one?"
"That Will kid. He was a whiner."
"He had a bullet in his leg."
"Yeah, well, I was tired of him."
"You better watch your smart mouth, little freshman. Don't ever
let Debbie give you a ride."
"Don't worry, I won't. Why not?"
"She might treat you like a cat."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Tell him, Debbie."
"We had this stray cat that kept getting into everything. My mom
said 'Debbie, pick up that cat and let's go for a ride.' I held it on
my lap. We were going about 30 miles an hour, and Mom said,
'Debbie, roll your window down.' I did. Then she said, 'Throw
that cat out.' So I did."
"Whoa!"
"This morning, I was bobbing my head over to fluff up my hair,
and I hit my head on the bed board."
"That's nothing to be proud of."
"I know. I still have a knot in the middle of my head."
We'll see what next week brings. Some weeks I get good stuff,
some weeks I get great stuff.
again given me something to talk about. They just don't know it.
Some things I overhear. For example...
"Oh, Beulah...she's your sister, isn't she?"
"My sister AND my cousin."
(Okaaaaayyyy. Now I not only have Grandpa-Dad to use for a
hillbilly inbreeding example, but I also have Sister-Cousin.
Who knew?)
"What were the schools like down there?"
"Where?"
"Tennessee."
"How would I know?"
"That's where you came from."
"I'm not from Tennessee. I'm from KENTUCKY!"
"Well, it's the same thing. They're just alike."
"They urinated in a water gun and went around spraying it at
the kids building the float."
"Allegedly."
"What's urinated mean."
"PEE. They peed in it and sprayed people."
"Ewww."
Some things, they ASK me...
"Did you hear about that coach who let the kids skip if they gave
him money?"
"No.Where was that?"
"In New York, I think. If they paid him a dollar, they could skip."
"How did they find out?"
"He told on himself. He was making about $300 a day."
"Why would a guy give a girl a brass doorknob?"
"You mean Tom and Becky?"
"Yeah. She wouldn't want a doorknob."
"It was a treasure to Tom. He gave her something he valued."
"That's messed up."
"Do you think I should quit McDonalds?"
"I don't know. Since they put those McChickens on the dollar
menu, haven't they gotten smaller? My 8-year-old took one look
and said, 'Hey! That is smaller than my kidburger.'"
"Haha! You should see those chicken patties. They look like
chicken nuggets!"
"I knew it!"
Some things they tell me...
"That was a good story you read us, but I kept hoping that one
kid would die, and he never did."
"Which one?"
"That Will kid. He was a whiner."
"He had a bullet in his leg."
"Yeah, well, I was tired of him."
"You better watch your smart mouth, little freshman. Don't ever
let Debbie give you a ride."
"Don't worry, I won't. Why not?"
"She might treat you like a cat."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Tell him, Debbie."
"We had this stray cat that kept getting into everything. My mom
said 'Debbie, pick up that cat and let's go for a ride.' I held it on
my lap. We were going about 30 miles an hour, and Mom said,
'Debbie, roll your window down.' I did. Then she said, 'Throw
that cat out.' So I did."
"Whoa!"
"This morning, I was bobbing my head over to fluff up my hair,
and I hit my head on the bed board."
"That's nothing to be proud of."
"I know. I still have a knot in the middle of my head."
We'll see what next week brings. Some weeks I get good stuff,
some weeks I get great stuff.
posted by Hillbilly Mom at 7:29 PM
5 Comments:
Rachy,
I believe you told me a while back that your family had those redneck hillbilly roots. After hearing some of your tales of your father, I believe you. This is just more proof for me that hillbillies can be found worldwide. ;)
When Tater and Mr. Tater started dating, they were having a conversation one night about people they knew in school. She said something about Matt, then added, "He's my cousin." Mr. Tater said, "He's my cousin, too." They gave each other a bewildered look and drove to a payphone to call Mom, scared to death they were actually related. Turns out they are, but it's some weird cousin of a cousin by marriage thing. Rumor has it that Mr. Diva and I are related somewhere down the line, but we've never inspectigated it.
Diva,
Um...are you trying to shock me? Cause it didn't work, you ol' redneck! Like that is supposed to be uncommon for us folk!
I hear all kinds of bits and pieces of funny, weird and sometimes down right scary conversations while working with 2, 3, and 4 year olds all day. I always think to myself that I'll remember it and write about it in my blog like HM, but dang it, I always forget by the time I get home! I should write them down on my handy dandy little post it notes so I can share the thoughts of preschoolers.
Stacie,
I have forgotten some good ones. Sometimes, I jot down a note on the back of an absentee slip so I can remember.
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