Friday, January 06, 2006

CINOS, Cat-Tears, and Fighting for Your Right Not To Paaarrr-taaayyy!

I haven't been myself for the last few days. I have been lacking one
of my essential nutrients: Sonic Cherry Diet Coke. The reason is
THIS. Seems that Rebecca is not content to run her own country
of Beclakia, she must also try to run Hillmomba. Not gonna work,
missy! I'm on to you and your sneaky-snake ways.

Oh, Rebecca may THINK she's purchased SONIC, but she made
one crucial error. You see, Rebecca was having a bad dyslexia day,
and actually purchased CINOS, a hillbilly pizza chain, known for
its Possum/Squirrel Lovers' Pizza, and the best-selling appetizer,
Rocky Mountain Oysters. The franchise recently suffered a financial
setback when the much-hyped Dandelion Greens & Wilted Lettuce
Vegetarian Pizza failed to bring in the tree-hugging crowd they had
anticipated. Guess they forgot hillibillies ain't all that into veggies.
Happy to unload this albatross, CINOS former shareholders are
now investing heavily in the deep-fried pigs' feet and hog snouts
market. And Hillmombians are once again enjoying their sweet,
sweet nectar, Sonic Cherry Diet Coke. The meth labs are up and
running again, and all is right with the world.


I must apologize to LOVIE the cat, from yesterday's post. Mabel
informed me that LOVIE cried well into the evening, past Mabel's
bedtime of 8:00 p.m., because I spelled his name wrong. Actually,
Mabel said her name, but she's a bit eccentric that way. She's
also a bit eccentric in the way that she used to make students
stand at the front of her classroom and sing "I'm a Little Teapot"
if she caught them in the hall without a hall pass. I've had many a
big & bad delinquent plead with me "Please don't forget to give
me a pass! I have to go by Mrs. Mabel's room, and I can't sing.
I don't like to get up in front of people." It's your tax dollars at
work, people. Public education. Mabel is all about giving you
your money's worth.


In the Good News file, one of my middle school girls was called
to the office today.

"Is she in some kind of trouble?" (Might as well get it from the
horses' mouths.)

"No. Little Miss Delinquent Who's Been Suspended For Allegedly
Stealing Some Guy's Shoes wanted her to come over tonight and
do bad things. Like drink and smoke. And she went off yelling at
her. She said, 'NO! Why would I want to do THAT? I'm not
going to, that's STUPID! I'm not going to get in trouble!' "

I guess everything worked out. She was gone about 20 minutes,
and was not crying when she came back. She was not carrying
a discipline pink slip. YOU GO, GIRL! This is the kid who was
telling me about finding a relative's stash of pot and telling her
mom, and another kid harped: "You're not supposed to tell
about that stuff." Maybe there's hope for some of my kids yet.


Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
You may have won the battle, but the war is not over yet!
We knew the pizza place was a better option, from there we can make round objects, and that is enough to scare most Hillbillies.
Beclakia will win! Beclakia will rule!
Beclakia will find another way to play dirty!

9:08 PM  
Blogger JustLinda said...

I didn't know you were at war!

Is there an APO address I could send a package of home baked cookies to?


9:39 PM  
Blogger Chickadee said...

That is indeed a victory for Hillmomba. If Beclakia was successful in taking over Sonic I would have had to boycott the place and that would have meant no more tater tots and Cherry Limeades for me. You don't want to see a city slicker without her Cherry Limeade.

I support your troops in the war against Beclakia. Please let me know what I can do to help in your ongoing cause. ;)

8:51 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

It is OOONNNNNN! Again.

Don't try to outsmart a smartass. We will prevail. We ain't afraid of no stinkin' round objects! Can't you see how we collect old tires? Beclakia is no match for the geniuses of Hillmomba. Dream on, you kangaroo-lovin' hillbilly wanna-beees!

You have stumbled upon the Nation of Hillmomba in a time of war. This has been an ongoing battle for several months now. Rebecca stole my identity and put my face on a T-shirt. Then she stole the Royal Crown of Hillmomba. Now she thinks she has taken away my Sonic Cherry Diet Coke, my one true pleasure in life. But no! We've stopped her once again.

There is no APO for any type of package. Evil forces around Hillmomba crush and open all packages. We also have an ongoing battle with the USPS, and the Unqualified People Shipping (UPS) folks. You may not feel quite so safe in your travels here, now that you know that info, but we still value you as a visitor to our great land.

Shh...Don't tell Rebecca, but I also have a new favorite Sonic treat: the Tropical Fruit Smoothie. You may have seen it advertised as a new item on their drive-thru menu. I will keep you in mind for any new cabinet positions that might need filling in the Hillmombian government.

12:30 PM  

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