Hillmomba Strikes Back
As the sun sets over the sinkholes and 5th-wheel camper of
Hillmomba, it is time to plan our next attack on Beclakia.
We have a crew devoted to cutting off the tops of Budweiser
cans and packing them with possum and coon for tasty hillbilly
MREs. The hardest part of this job is supervising the can-cutters,
as they are wont to smash the cans against their foreheads, thus
ruining them as MRE containers.
Our Ambassador of Cheese, MrsCoach, has been bartering
with neighboring nations to acquire deodorant and toothpaste,
items that are hard to find in Hillmomba. She is quite an asset
to our little enclave, what with having unlimited access to free
cheese. Sadly, we've had to relieve MrCoach of his duty of
whipping the troops into shape. It seems his motto of "Go hard
or go home" got some of the troops all riled up. And not in a
good way. He is now assisting with entertaining our citizens.
I hear he has a traveling basketball comedy show in the works.
The Minister of Education, DeadpanAnn, was last seen running
after a fat white rabbit. I'm not sure what she was up to, but
I will give her an alibi if The Law comes snooping around
Hillmomba. She is irreplaceable, what with hot-wiring the old
copy machines, cooking up big pots of Not-Really Chili, and
kicking butts and taking names. Thanks to Miss Ann, most
Hillmombians can now read AND write. And draw naughty
Redneck Diva is our newly-appointed Casinos of the Caves
Administrator. She tests all the slots to see if they are paying
out correctly. Our Diva has a great plan to get back at
Beclakia for stealing our Royal Crown of Hillmomba, and
trying to steal Sonic. Shh...don't tell Rebecca, but Diva is
going to load up a slot machine with yellowjackets instead
of money, and ship it to Beclakia as a peace offering. Then
when they hit a jackpot, yellowjackets will swarm out instead
I know I have appointed people to my Hillmombian government.
I don't remember any others that I have given official titles. If I
gave you one, please let me know. If you have a special talent
that could help us keep Beclakia from taking over Hillmomba,
leave me a comment. You can even nominate yourself for a
cabinet position. I know several of you already immigrated when
Hillmomba had that special to enter the country for the low price
of a Sonic Cherry Diet Coke and a bag of pork rinds. It is not
what Hillmomba can do for you, people. IT IS WHAT YOU
CAN DO FOR HILLMOMBA!