3rd Rule of Blog Club: Violated

I am cruisin' for a bruisin'. Achin' for a breakin'. I feel naaaughty.
I am bored. I am about to violate a rule. Back in the day, I was a
bit ticked-off at something somebody said to me. Well, something
somebody typed in response to what I typed in a comment, because
you know, we don't actually know who people really are in the big
blogosphere we call home. Anyhoo, I had an axe to grind, and I
broke the First Rule of Blog Club, which is not to talk about Blog
Club.

I am sure at some point, I violated a Second Rule of Blog
Club, which is not to call anybody out on their PERFECT lives
they ramble on about. I can't remember when or where I did that,
but somebody took offense because she said not everybody hates
her husband, and hers does happen to be perfect. OK then. That
post was not about you, and didn't apply to you. If my attitude
upsets you, then don't read my blog. I speak in generalities, not
specifics.

Now, I am going to violate the Third Rule of Blog Club: Don't
Criticize the Popular Bloggers. Because they are gods, it seems.

First off, don't go thinking it's someone on my blogroll. It isn't. I was
bored, I said, and I went blog-hopping. I might have been 10 or 15
blogs removed from one I visit regularly. You know how it is, you
click on one from their blogroll, then on one from that blogroll, and
so it goes. I've done this before, and noticed some generalities.
Why do commenters have to be such a$-kissers? They never
question anything the populars post. I might find some practices
questionable, but apparently nobody else does. That, or the blog-
owner deletes all comments that don't agree. I don't mean to say
that there are bloggers out there eating fetuses, or making lamps
out of human skin, or something heinous. But people do seem to
justify some odd things by their comments. Do people do this to
get a link? To look cool? To draw traffic to their own blogs? How
many new things can be said after 100 comments? I agree. Right
on. I do the same. What's the point of those comments?

Because I am a spiteful old hag, I am going to pretend I am a
popular blogger. Please read a post from my new blog below.

THE SH*T...POPULARITY AT IT'S ZENITH

Sunday, February 26 2006

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN

Yep, it's that time again--time to go harvest the eyeballs out of
the kittens. I had to drive over to the kitten coop, since we put
it on our new farm, The Kitty Ranch. My kids should be OK
for the 5 or 6 hours I'll be gone. I put Augustus in the pet
carrier again, and handcuffed Mortimer to the bedposts. Had
to cuff the legs and arms this time. Who'd a-thunk he could
drag that four-poster bed all the way to the living room. He
is extremely buff for a 5-year-old. As a precaution, I gave
Augustus his grandaddy's pistol in case Mortimer gets loose
and starts poking him with the butcher knife again. Augustus
has darn good aim for a 2-year-old.


Do you think I'm rushing the harvest with these 3-week-old
kittens? I get a better price for the tender eyeballs. Once they've
aged a few more days, they toughen up, and I lose 1 cent per
eyeball. That really adds up. The kids love the harvest season.
All those kittens to play with (and by that I mean dropping
them in the sinkhole, chasing them with 4-wheelers, lining them
up for target practice, seeing whose dog can catch the most,
betting on which one falls off the porch first, etc.)


Tonight I am using some of the fresh eyeballs to make a delectable
chutney to serve with my rack of lamb. Pomegranate, kiwi, pawpaw,
kumquat, and fresh kitten eyeballs. Yum! I can hardly wait. In
fact, I'm going to get started right now. Tomorrow, I'll let you
know how it turned out.

posted by THE SH*T at 2:47 p.m. ....comments 8 sh*tters sh*tting


Great post, Sh*t! I love hearing about your daily life. Can't
wait to hear how that chutney turned out!
Butt-Smoocher

My kids love it when I send some fresh kitten eyes with caviar
and toast points in their lunch for Montessori school.
Snooty McSnooterton

There's nothing like fresh kitten eyes to add a burst of flavor.
I like to make my own pizza dough from scratch, then layer
fresh mozzarella, kitten eyes, and sun-dried tomatoes. So simple,
but so DELICIOUS! Baked on my pizza stone in my wood-
burning oven, it is TO DIE FOR!
MissKissieA$$

My Dearhubby loves the smoothie I make him with kitten eyes,
mango, and fresh-squeezed goat's milk! You ROCK, TS!
CocoaNose

Um...maybe it's just me, but popping out kittens' eyes is illegal
in my state. Could you substitute some other ingredient? Maybe
those imitation kitten eyes that are made from tofu? Wal*mart
has them in the deli. :)
Voice of Reason

We love the eye-harvesting season too! Nothing like popping
those puppies out with your thumbs and filling a bucket in no
time! Haha! I crack myself up! I referred to kitten eyes as
'puppies'! Haha! Love your blog! I'm adding you to my blogroll.
Sycophant

Great Googley Moogly, where is that ignorant Voice from?
Any fool knows that kitten eyeballs must be popped out with
a silver-plated platinum eye-scoop with a filigreed handle.
What a freak! I bet he's still doing it under the light of a full
moon, and wearing overalls instead of a silk apron! Country
bumpkin!
A$$munch


THE SH*T says...
Yeah, I'm gonna block Voice's IP. I don't need his kind of
sh*t here. How dare he discredit me on my own blog!

You're right about Psychophant, A$$munch. Freakin' Hayseed!


DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a real blog entry. It is not intended
to imitate any blogs I have or haven't read. It is a GENERALITY,
people, about how I think some commenters get ridiculous. It is
only MY opinion. Because we know it's ALL ABOUT ME.
(And we also know I'll never get another comment after this
display of naughtiness !!!)