Monday, February 27, 2006

Cardiac, Contest, Coon, and Crime

Yes, it's DoNot day again already. I made it a half-day of work so
I could take my #2 son to a pediatric cardiologist at St. Louis
Children's Hospital. He has been having tachycardia, which is rapid
heartbeat. His regular doctor, who is not a pediatrician, but a
general practitioner, sent him for an EKG and x-rays, and found
pneumonia on Feb. 6. Since then, he has taken his Zithromax (yes,
all of it) and still had the tachycardia, has seen an ER pediatrician
for another EKG and more x-rays, and taken Omnicef (yes, all of it)
for a recurrence of the pneumonia. Today he had yet another EKG,
but the pediatric cardiologist said he is fine, and that a heart rate of
140 is common with pneumonia (though it was 160 the first time).
Anyhoo, today is his last day of the 10-day Omnicef. It apparently
did the trick, because the heart rate is down to 108, and the little
booger is bounding all over the place, and eating me out of house
and home. (The boy, not the heart. It is not some anthropomorphic
organ like that stomach on the "Heartburn Hotel" commercials from
a few years ago.)

CONTEST at A Mischief of Magpies. Thank you all for voting
for me. I think I finished with 71% of the votes. Not that there
were all that many votes, but still...YOU ROCK!

I did learn two things today at my half-day of school. One girl said
her grandma told her she looked like her Aunt Coon. I kid you not.
Aunt Coon. WTF? Who has a name like COON? I did not pursue
the topic.

I had another kid ask me if I had a Band-Aid. To which I gave
my usual smart-a$ reply, "Yes. Why are you taking this survey?"
Then of course he asked if I had one that he could have, because
his brother kicked him in the shin. Again, I kid you not. He had
blood coming out of a raw-looking spot on his shin. He said it
had a burn on it first, then the kick made it bleed. No need for
explainin', kiddo. You've got blood running down your leg. I gave
him two (ahem) plastic adhesive strips, since Hillbilly Mom is all
about the Save-A-Lot merchandise. I did not even ask about the
burn. The kid is 16, for cryin' out loud. Who knows what games
those sibs have been playing?

About 10 minutes later, the kid asked if my Kleenex (yes, an actual
brand name, because I was in a hurry, and bought them for too
much money from Country Mart) had lotion in it.

"No. That would be Puffs With Aloe. I ran out of them last week.These are plain old Kleenex." 
"Oh. Then why do the tissues have little blue spots on them?"
"I don't know. Is this a riddle?"
"No. But it burned when I put it on my burn." 
"Perhaps you've answered your own question."
"No. Really."
"Let's take a look. Nope. It doesn't say anything about it on thebox. It would have to say on the box."

I turned the box over. Not to be used for any purpose other
as a facial tissue, under penalty of federal law. Kind of
like that. I don't have it here to read from. The tissues had some
kind of virucide on them. They were anti-viral tissues. Who knew?

"Well, I guess the Feds will be showing up to take you away. Ihad no knowledge you were using it as a blood dauber. I'm nottaking the fall."

"Hey! Are the Feds coming after me, too? I've been using it towipe my paintbrush?" (Yes, he was working on his art project.)
"Well, that's not in a facial tissue's job description. I guess so."

Tomorrow I will monitor the tissue box more carefully. Methinks.


Blogger LanternLight said...

And to think one of those kids may be the future leader of the free world....


4:19 AM  
Blogger ill man said...

Coon is actually a surname I think. There was a UK music writer called Caroline Coon. I think also that one of the chaps involved in the Rodney King beating was of all the ironies, called Jessie Coon. I have no idea where the use of the word to describe black people comes from.

We also seem to have won an award over at the mischief. Clairwil or myself will no doubt post up about it later, but we've won a 'best blog awards' poll.

So you see, we're not just any old blog award poll............

Yours all 'hoity-toity....'

ill man

2:05 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

My friend Stacie has an Uncle Mutt. I don't think she has an aunt or uncle Coon, though.

When Tater had a cold awhile back, she was sick of her nose running like a faucet. So in a moment of desperation she stuffed tissue up both nostrils (I believe you've done that, too, right?). It took about 5 seconds for her to realize that she was using those new mentholated tissues. She warns everyone she sees now to not stuff wads of mentholated tissues up their nostrils. She's thinking about taking out a PSA, too. I guess it was pretty bad. Silly Tater.

1:39 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

I am frightened every day when I look out at my students and see the future. I am doing the best I can to mold them, but it's gonna take a while.

Ill Man,
Congrats on your award! Now you can put on airs and live high on the hog! I told that kid to investigate the Coon. We'll see what happens

We don't have any animals in our family...though my dad used to be called Car-Tire. I hope it wasn't from stealing them.

Are you saying YOU'VE never put Kleenex in both your nostrils? What kind of high-fallutin' hillbilly are YOU? Tater needs to urge manufacturers to label their products more clearly.

5:15 PM  
Blogger ill man said...

"I told that kid to investigate the Coon. We'll see what happens"

Oh lord, you didn't............!!!

So she's probably a black family friend, right....?

I come from a place where such a term could never be used innocently.

6:34 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Ill Man,
This kid is lily-white. You can almost see through her, and her aunt is a blood relative. We live in a very white rural region. Our school is over 99% white. One kid made a comment that maybe her Aunt Coon was from North St. Louis. I had to tell him he can't say that. She was the only one who knew what he meant, so I didn't dwell on it. She said, "No. She's white." Some of the kids here are racist, but more are wanna-bes of the rap culture. They go overboard here--either not accepting someone of another race, or putting them on a pedestal. They haven't had the exposure that students in our neighboring school districts have had. This kid said she was going to ask her grandma why her aunt was called "Coon". Maybe she was a coon-hunter. That's what rednecks do for fun.

Oh, and the kids also think it's acceptable to yell "FAG" at each other, and say "That's so GAY!" They have to be warned that NO hate words are acceptable. One of them last year was in trouble for calling his friends "retarded". Their favorite now is "crackhead".

7:27 PM  

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