Thursday, November 03, 2005

Anatomy of a Feud

My Australian blogfriend, Rebecca, and I have a feud. It is not a
real feud over moonshine or young 'uns or land, with shotguns
and hound dogs. It is more like a friendly kind of antagonism.
In my opinion, anyway. Rebecca may be out for blood.

It all started when I first 'met' Rebecca. I had just started my
old blog, Redneck Review, so it was around April or May. I
saw a link for Rants of a Rebecca on Misha's blog. Imagine
my surprise when I saw that Rebecca had entered me in her
Big Blogger contest. Well! I couldn't stand for that, so I did
what any self-respecting hillbilly would do...I participated.
I would show Rebecca what I was made of! (Some people
say I am made of piss and vinegar and a bunch of gooey
slimey stuff, but I prefer that you do not cut me open to
find out.)

I looked it up. May 11 was when I entered Big Blogger.
My entries are in the May, June, and July archives, but I
will try to link them individually. Just in case someone has
too much time on their hands and likes to read drivel.
Bec had some good contests. We had to do such things as
write a blog about cats, an odd business name (pic), review
our favorite breakfast cereal, create a kid's TV show with
a character and a rhyme, create a jaffle, pretend to be
Big Blogger, write an ode (remember, folks, an ode doesn't
have to rhyme--here's a pic), stalk another blogger, create
a superhero identity, make a billboard for a good cause,
write a letter from Camp Blog, give a patriotic speech,
tell your worst pick-up line and best bar-room joke, and
answer questions about Big Blogger. And I relived my
devastating loss.

Rebecca started the Big Blogger contest, so Rebecca made
the rules. And she changed them whenever she wanted,
because she could. For instance, she said there would be
a competition every week. Then two days later, she would
announce a new competition, explaining that it was based
on her work week, which might be two days, or ten days,
whatever. I did my very best to compete. In fact, I even
made it to the top two. But then Rebecca allowed a cheese
sandwich to enter, and it got more votes than me. Rebecca
even tried to help me by giving me Cheese Sandwich's votes,
but then entered a Sheep on a Unicycle, which took some
votes. The actual winner of Big Blogger was Mr. Huggies.
He won it fair and square by Rebecca's rules. I have no
gripes with Mr. Huggies. I put in a link for him, but he was
having technical difficulties when I checked in.

I have no gripes with Rebecca, either. Even though I was
having a Bad Movie Quotes contest at the time, and Rebecca
declared herself the winner every week. Oh, Rebecca does
know her bad movies, don't get me wrong. And she also
declared herself the winner each week of my What Would
a Redneck Do? contest. Let's just say that Rebecca is very
confident of her abilities. Like her ability to annoy me. Oh,
some people may not mind if she put their face on a T-shirt
for birth control. It was kind of funny.

So anyhoo (I hate it when people say that), I am officially
renewing our feud. Bec said to "Bring it onnnnn!" I am just
granting her wishes. I think I have advised her before, be
careful what you wish for.

Rebecca, since you can not get Sonic Cherry Diet Coke
over there, I have created a new beverage for you. I call
it the Aloe Vera Mushroom Smoothie. It is made by grinding
aloe vera and mushrooms in a blender with buttermilk.
Mmmm....aloe vera-y and mushroomy goodness! What's
that, Rebecca? You're allergic to aloe vera and mushrooms?
OOPS! Hope you didn't swallow any yet! I'll call 9-1-1.
It may take a while for the ambulance to get to Australia.
Hang in there, buddy.


Blogger Rebecca said...

Dear Miss Hillbilly Mother,
I forthright accpet the terms and conditions of the said feud.
I would like to point out though, that it was your Billboard which pertained to Birth Control, not your T-Shirt.
With warm regards.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

As my son would say, "Once again, you stand corrected!" Yes. I stand corrected. My T-Shirt said "Hillbilly Mom is My Homegirl," didn't it? How quickly I forget what I am feuding about.

I would like to blame it on the fake vicodin, but I couldn't have any until a few minutes ago, due to driving the kids to school, withdrawing blood from the turnip--I mean money from the savings & loan to pay the Land-Stealer, and driving myself to the doctor. I just don't have time for surgery. Maybe that is why I woke up in the middle of it.

I eagerly await hearing about your surgery-walking experience.

Beware the feud. Just when you least expect it...

5:49 PM  
Blogger Alexandrialeigh said...

Ooh! I'm excited.

But, may I ask? Why the hell did you move to a new blog? Now I have to go back and change the bookmark, and...I'm lazy.

6:12 PM  
Blogger jules said...

This oughta be good. Where do we place our bets?

6:51 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Contrary to popular opinion, it was not just to make people change the link. I don't have THAT many readers. I was having trouble finding previous posts I wanted to link. I had around 275 or so. I can't ever throw anything away--I wanted to save them there on the old Redneck Review. And anyway, it's FREEEEEEEE! I'm getting my money's worth from that cantankerous old BLOGGER! That'll learn 'im!

Bets? Don't give Rebecca a reason to try HARDER! She usually gets the best of me. Just when I think I've got her, she does something completely unexpected. Like throwing that old Cheese Sandwich into her Big Blogger contest. That thing took away a lot of my votes. And my PRIDE! To be less popular than a Cheese Sandwich. I am still smarting from that one!

7:10 PM  

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