Thursday, November 10, 2005

You Need To Get Yourself a Joint

In the comments concerning my recent substitute (yes,
I know, there is no substitute for Hillbilly Mom--I meant
my substitute teacher), Mrs.Coach2U and Erica gave
me an idea for this post.

Once upon a time, I knew I was having a substitute for
one day. She even came by the day before, to ask about
my routine. No, not my comedy routine, that is just my
daily life. She was asking how we did things in my class.
I did not mind this intrusion, like I usually hate visitors.
She meant well. She was one of our good subs, but just
a little bit off.

So she comes in, and we were talking about learning
styles, like how I have to read things for myself, I don't
get it if someone tells me about it. That's why I was
good in school--it's set up for the visual learner. Most
teachers are this style. Well, most of my students are
not--that is why they are not successful. Well, that
and being lazy, some of them. Tell them something,
discuss it, watch a show about it, use maps, or cut up
stuff, and they've got it.

Mrs. Substitute looks at one kid, who is telling me he
can't remember anything he reads, unless he reads
it out loud. Aha! Auditory learner! So Mrs. Substitute
says to him: "You need to get yourself a joint." He
is trying to be polite. He looks at me. He looks at her.
He says: "Excuse me?" The other kids are trying not
to crack up. These ain't your student council kids I
got here, you know. These are the "at-risk" kids.
And to them, a "joint" means one thing. And it ain't
a knee or elbow.

Mrs. Substitute says: "Go to the hardware store.
Get yourself a joint. (The kids are exchanging looks.)
If you can't find one, ask the salesman."

One kid says: "Uh...what are you talking about?"

"You know, a joint. A curved piece of pipe, like that
PVC pipe, an elbow joint that hooks pipes together. can read out loud to yourself without
bothering anyone else in class. Put one end by your
mouth, and the other end by your year. That way
you won't distract anybody."

The kid politely says: "Oh." And I know they're all
thinking what I'm thinking, like how a kid sitting in
class holding a big piece of PVC pipe to his ear and
talking to himself is not going to distract anyone.
Well, that, or getting themselves some real joints.

Mrs. Substitute leaves, and the kids all look at me.
"She means well," I told them. "But please don't
go home and tell your parents: 'The teacher said
I need to get myself a joint'."


Blogger MamaKBear said...

That is just too funny!

11:28 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I am laughing out loud.

How much pointing and laughing would be involved with a kid sitting with a piece of PVC pipe attached to himself?

12:02 AM  
Blogger jules said...

Dang, if I'd have known they sold joints down at the hardware store, I'd have been there faster than lightning. Gotta have SOMETHING to get through my days.

6:29 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

What in the world was she thinking? Just the thought of seeing a kid with a PVC pipe in class makes me laugh.

7:22 AM  
Blogger MamaKBear said...'ve been tagged!

10:20 AM  
Blogger coffee and cigarettes said...

OMFG... and to think she wasn't joking either, maybe she needs to join the special ed class?

10:21 AM  
Blogger Erica said...

Oh man, see, that's why it's hard to be a sub that's kind of old, or clueless in a middle or high school. Sometimes they just miss references that you have to know and understand. I felt like a moron my first day as a teacher when I didn't know what "spinners" were, and my students mocked me for weeks about it!

If she had been in MY classes and said that...well let's just put it this way, your kids are little angels compared to most of mine.

That story is riotous. :D

11:06 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about the tag. I'll get to it on Saturday or Sunday.

I laughed out loud every time I told my teaching buddies what she had said. It took me about 6 months to get over laughing when I thought about it.

Who knew? They didn't advertise it very well.

For months, when we saw that sub in the building, one of us would say, "Did 'Andrew' bring his joint to class?" To each other, of course, not to her.

She marches to her own drum, that's for sure. I can picture her sitting at home with a joint to her head, reading while her family watches TV.

You've given me another posting idea. Y'all come back now, y'hear?

I will admit that I'm old, because I don't know what a "spinner" is. A type of fishing lure comes to mind. Don't tell me it's something like "snowballing," please!

6:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's like the lights are on but no ones home!

8:49 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

I guess I'm old, too, what is a spinner? Or snowballing, for that matter. I'm ignorant, what can I say?
And you got me to laughing all over again with your comment to Rachy. Ah, too funny.

11:34 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Yeah, she's got one wheel in the sand.

I can't help you on the "spinner," but snowballing involves a body fluid that is spit from one mouth into the body-fluid-maker's mouth. That's about the only way I can explain it here. Or my loyal teacher-friend reader at school will "get the schoolbus" when she tries to access the page. That's the big stop sign that keeps inappropriate pages from loading. Shame, shame, everybody sees your schoolbus. The kids chide each other when the schoolbus pops up: "What are YOU trying to look at?"

12:03 AM  

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