Thursday, January 26, 2006

What Do I Say?

Sometimes, I do not know how to respond to the things people
say to me. Yes, it is rare, but at times I am speechless. Why, just
this morning, I was minding my own business, writing on the daily
chart I keep of who's doing what for 50 minutes, so I can be
truthful and not 'write hurtful comments' if I am asked what a
Do-Not has been doing with his time in my class, and out of the
blue, a student announced:

"My friend Franklin has a large bra."
"Mmm...I guess that's nice, but it's not exactly appropriate to
discuss in class."
"My friend Franklin has a large bra. It's my sentence for the
vocab words. Bra means 'forehead'."
"Umm...I don't think that's right."
"Yeah, it is. You know Franklin, how he just got his hair cut?
He wore it like that because he gots this huuuuge forehead."

The kid in front of him turned around. He is not exactly a friend
of the English language, but he tries hard. He glared at the talker.

"It's BROW. Like in eye-BROW."

A collective sigh of relief passed through all the other freshman

"Oh." Nervous laugh. "I thought it was 'bra'."
"I was getting worried."

My response problem continued at the lunch table.

"Smell him. Walk by and take a whiff."
", that's OK."
"He stinks. He smells like a$$. Like a dirty a$$."
"I know. I talked to the nurse about him. Something has to be done."
"I've got him in PE. They ALL stink in PE."
"He wore the same clothes for three days in a row. They need to
be burned."
"I have to hold my breath when he talks to me."
"Remember Lazy-Butt Troublemaker? One time he was asleep
in my class, and he farted. It was a long, drawn-out ppprrrrrbbbttt.
It rumbled."
"Did it wake him up?"
"No. And I didn't, either. I was glad he was asleep. Peace and quiet."

Only in the public schools of the U.S. can a big ol' fart mean
and quiet for the molder of minds, the guardian of our future,
highly-esteemed school teacher.


Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
I don't see an issue with Franklin having a large bra, unless he is using it as a double barrel sling shot.

I would also like to know how the other kid knew what arse smelt like?

1:02 AM  
Blogger LanternLight said...

Confucius says:
Man who breaks wind in church, sits in own pew.

2:49 AM  
Blogger deadpanann said...

I have a few kids who have such ass breath that I can't breathe when they're near me. They're usually the ones who like to get right in your face and talk alot, too.

5:48 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Ha! It was a TEACHER who knew what dirty a$$ smelt like. That very thought entered my mind when he was saying it.

That's a good one!

Miss Ann,
Ain't that the truth. The stinkier the kid, the more high-maintenance they are. Kind of like Mum, though he doesn't stink, he sits RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DESK. I think it's a self-preservation issue. We wouldn't want any students to HIT him, now would we? Then he might not be in top shape to hit ME again.

7:58 AM  
Blogger Chickadee said...

I didn't know what to think of the bra comment. Then I didn't know what to think of that kid when he confused 'bra' with 'brow'

And the TEACHER told you the kid smelled like an a$$??? I think of the two in that conversation, you were defintely the grown-up. LOL.

You certainly work at an interesting place!!!

2:06 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

I'll loan that kid some of my new baby lotion and then he can smell like dirty baby ass. It's great.

2:43 PM  
Blogger LanternLight said...

"Mum" is what we call our "Mom" in Australia.

5:45 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Let's not forget I have lunch with 5 men. I could curl your hair with some of the tales I've heard.

This doesn't exactly apply to the lotion thingy, but I want to tell you a little story. Today, the teacher guys were talking about boys picking and poking and goosing each other, or as one put it: playing buttsy-wuttsy. I said I bet nobody would goose that kid who smells like a$$, and one of them said, "No, when he pulled his hand back it would just be a bone and a hank of skin, the smell is so powerful."

I guess some here might use "Mum" instead of "Mom", but here "mum" means to keep quiet. It's also a type of flower.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

I was sitting in the living room when I overheard my husband and daughter talking. It went something like this: "Are you ready to go?" "Yup, let's go" "Shew, God! Did you brush your teeth?" "No, I was going to do it at Mum's" "You ain't riding in my truck with breath like that. It smells like a$$. Like ROTTEN A$$" My daughter huffs off to go brush her teeth and my husband hears me laughing in the living room and says to me "Man, I don't know why her breath stinks so bad when she doesn't brush her teeth. It's awful! Mine doesn't smell that bad when I don't brush my teeth" Well, that only made me laugh harder. Yeah, right. Why is it people can't smell their own bad breath or B.O.? Oh, and Mum is what my daughter calls my mother.

1:08 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

One of my boys has that nasty breath when he is sick. I think it's a sinus thing. The other gets a$$ breath when he eats onion rings. It shows up the next day. They call their grandma "MawMaw". Even a mummy is a "mommy" to them.

4:12 PM  

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