Monday, March 27, 2006

Learnin' Your Lessons

After posting pictures of our free hot tub yesterday, a couple of
folks were curious about where we got it. Ahem. Don't make me
come over there, people! I taught this lesson last week. Oh, sure...
maybe it was the day the substitute took you outside for a walk.
Or perhaps the day a visiting substitute told you that you need to
get yourself a joint (saw right through that excuse, deadpanann).

So to get you all up to speed, here is the tale of how we got a
free hot tub. Now you don't have to get the notes from that
pimply-faced nerd who sits behind you. One of the problems
with a free hot tub is where to put it. Say, for instance, your HH
wanted to put it in the garage. Hmm...then what would you do?
And assuming (that is, making an a$$ out of 'u' and 'me') you both
agreed on a location, what if there was a little problem with it?

You will be tested on this information for your final examination.
I hope you keep your notes in your folder. I will not be giving
a study guide. There are only 8 weeks of school left, people!
This is not a time to slack off!

Now that the free hot tub mystery is solved, let's move on to help
Redneck Diva with her age-old problem of skunk disposal. I got
this method from one of my old school lunch buddies who has
since retired. Hopefully, he hasn't formed a Skunkbusters business.
Here is his solution.

Go to a corner of the house, and dig a hole by one wall. It should
be about two feet deep. Put a bowl of dogfood in the bottom of
the hole. Skunks love dogfood. It is like crack for them. (I can
attest to this. Skunks come up on the porch to eat Grizzly's food.
Well, they did...until we got the poopies, and now there is never
a scrap of food anywhere near the mansion. But there's plenty of
poop, which does not seem to be a delicacy that skunks crave.)

Anyhoo...hide around the corner of the house with a gun. When
the skunk goes down into the hole to eat the dogfood, shoot him.
Then jump out quickly and shovel the dirt back into the hole on
top of the skunk to cover up the smell.

He told us this story to help a crony of my teacher friend, Mabel.
Only Mabel's Crony is a softhearted type who traps the skunks.
I don't know if we can forgive her for that. We forgave her for the
flowered panties that slithered out of her pants leg at one of our
inservice days. Actually, we were kind of overjoyed about that,
what with it being the only thing to breathe life into the inservice.

So if you want to get rid of a skunk, all you need is a house, some
dogfood, a shovel, and a gun.

You don't even have to have flowered panties trickling out your
pants leg.


Blogger Redneck Diva said...

Oh my. I think we'll just adopt the skunks as pets rather than go through all that!

Some friends of ours ended up with a nest of skunks under their newly remodeled house full of new carpet and new furniture. The ended up setting traps that were tied to ropes. He'd catch 'em, drag 'em out, toss a blanket over 'em, take 'em to the creek and drown 'em. I don't think I could do that either....

So...I guess the new pet's name is Fitty the Skunk.


8:02 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

These new poopies could yap a skunk to death. I don't think Mr. Skunk will be visiting the Grizzly Buffet at Che Mansion le Hillbilly any time soon.

8:15 PM  

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