HM, We Hardly Knew Ye

Because I haven't done it yet, but mainly because ...................
IT'S ALL ABOUT MEEEEE!!!!!!!

I present to you, 100 Things About Hillbilly Mom.

1. I am an Aquarius. That means I have big dreams, but I'm too
lazy to follow through.
2. I have one husband, two sons, and two stepsons. I try not to
act like it.
3. My stepsons and I get along well. We never had a fight. I met
them when they were 5 and 7. They are now 25 and 23.
4. I am a big old geeky nerd. I like trivia nights, and games like
trivial pursuit.
5. I was valedictorian of my high school. I was proud, but afraid
I'd have to give a speech. I didn't.
6. History bores the pants off me. I like science, math, & literature.
7. I am a loyal friend. You would be lucky to have me.
8. Someone in my family has an IQ of one hundred forty-eight.
It is not me.
9. When I'm not working, I like to stay up until 3:00 a.m., and
get up around 9:00 a.m.
10. I don't like people getting into my stuff, or nosing into my
business. I will tell you what I want you to know.
11. I have a Master's Degree in Education, & a B.S. in Education,
with a major in Physical Education and a minor in Biology.
12. I am certified to teach PE K-12, Biology 9-12, MS Science,
and Health 9-12.
13. I was happily teaching Biology and Physical Science when
my superintendent asked me to start a HS At-Risk Program.
14. I love working with the At-Risk students. At one time I was
asked if I wanted to switch to the Gifted. H*** no!!!
15. I can't stand snobs and fakes.
16. In this day of Political Correctness run amok, I wonder why
it is OK to ridicule and discriminate against gays and the obese.
17. I think gay people are born and not made.
18. Kids these days cheat and have few morals. Their parents
are too busy living their own lives to teach them right from wrong.
19. I have 2 novels in my head. They're too lazy to fight their
way out.
20. Saturday Night Live makes me laugh out loud. My husband
calls it "entertainment for morons." I wish he had a sense of humor.
21. I was named after my dad's sister, who died as an infant.
22. I lived in a trailer until 7th grade, when we built a house on
the outskirts of a town of 1800 people.
23. I used to drink. I quit because I liked it too much. May 27,
1992, was the date I stopped. It had a little bit to do with a bad
hangover, and that blood that came out my nose when I vomited.
24. My friend called me the day I quit. She said, "I've been sick
as a dog. Do you think it was something we ate at the Cardinals'
game?" Uh, no...not something we ate.
25. I am afraid of heights, and don't like water. Or summer. I'm
a rainy day kind of gal.
26. I like to gamble. Slots mostly, occasionally video poker.
27. I don't win big, but I come out within 20 bucks of what
I took in. Here's my system: say I take in 200 bucks. I put that
whole 200 bucks through the slots. BUT, everything that comes
out, I save to cash in when I leave. I don't put it in and play the
credits until it's gone. That's what my husband does. Loser.
28. It takes an hour and a half to get to the casinos. I only get
to go about 2-3 times a year.
29. My second son was a "surprise." It only takes once, girls.
30. The doctor thought he had Down's Syndrome because of a
prenatal test. I had to have amniocentesis, and wait for the results.
31. Both my parents and my husband thought I should terminate
the pregnancy if it was Down's. That angered me. I have always
been pro-choice, but when it came to me, I could not make that
choice.
32. I was working, filing claims at the Unemployment Office when
they called with my results. I had to take a 15-minute break to go
into the bathroom and cry with relief.
33. This son was the perfect baby. He told me when he was 4:
"I am your little gift from above." It made me cry.
34. I have worked other jobs besides teaching. Park's Dept.
softball coach for 14-18 year olds, cashier/clerk at an insurance
salvage store, claims technician for the MO Div. of Employment
Security, a convenience store clerk.
35. I have taken a lie-detector test. It was kind of creepy.
36. I am a terrible housekeeper. Once, after a burglary, the
policeman asked, "Did they do this, Ma'am?" I was embarrassed
to tell him, no, that I piled up the laundry in that bedroom until
I folded and hung it.
37. I like living in the country, and couldn't stand to live in a city.
38. I got my undergraduate degree from Southwest MO State
University in Springfield, MO. They recently changed their name.
Kathleen Turner, attended there, though it was before me.
39. I did my student teaching at Springfield Kickapoo, Brad
Pitt's high school. He was in 11th grade at the time. I don't
remeber seeing him. Duh! He wasn't famous yet!
40. I don't like crowds. I like to sit in the back or near an aisle.
41. People have told me that they thought I was stuck-up until
they got to know me. I am not comfortable with new people.
42. A fellow staffer says my superintendent thinks I walk on
water. I try not to disappoint him.
43. I have been to Alaska, Colorado, Montana, Florida,
and Massachusetts, and all the states in between to get there.
44. I have walked on the campuses at Harvard and MIT, but it
didn't make me any smarter.
45. I am a procrastinator. I am planning to work on that one of
these days.
46. In college, I lived in a one-bedroom apartment with a lesbian
couple. They let me have the bedroom. Their friends made mine
look BORING.
47. Man, did those girls know how to party! And you really
can't tell by looking.
48. I do not tell this to people, because many of them make
fun of gays. I feel bad that I don't speak up, but you have to go
along to get along in this region of the country.
49. I have worked at 3 schools where teachers had affairs with
students. A woman with an 18-year-old girl, a man with 13-14
year-old girls (too many to count), and a man with a 17-or-18-
year-old girl.
50. Only one was prosecuted. His Missouri teaching license was
revoked, but he moved back to New York state, where he was
from. He is now a convicted felon and can't vote.
51. Nobody knew about him until a college-age girl told. It had
gone on for years. He and his wife packed up and left town in
the middle of the night.
52. I can draw a good picture with pencil, but can't work in any
other medium.
53. People piss me off.
54. My mother and sister and nephew have red hair, but I and
my boys do not.
55. The only night I schedule around TV is Thursday: Survivor,
The Apprentice, ER.
56. I did not take English 4 my senior year of high school, and
tested out of Comp I and Comp II in junior college.
57. I played on the junior college softball team. First base. I was
not such a great hitter in fast-pitch softball. I liked them high and
outside, and always hit to right field.
58. I am no stranger to the cigarette, the porno, the pot, the XXX
theater, the adult bookstore, or the women's bookstore. Let's just
say I bend a bit too easily to peer pressure.
59. I currently live my life so as not to embarrass my children.
60. I have rolled a car at 60 mph and walked away. I never wore
a seatbelt, but that day I had buckled up, because my friend
was teaching driver's ed that summer and said I should.
61. I can not stand George W. Bush.
62. BUT...I am not at all political. That stuff bores me.
63. I used to run 6 miles a day, and participated in 10K runs.
64. I like funny people, not Type A world-changing people. My
friends are the nice people, not the popular people.
65. I hate a$$ kissers.
66. I like 70s/80s classic rock, and old country like Dolly Parton
Loretta Lynn, George Jones, Conway Twitty, Bellamy Brothers.
67. The only concert I have been to was the Ozark Mountain
Daredevils. I don't remember much about it. I know why.
68. I hate roller coasters.
69. When I go to the movies, I spend a fortune so my kids can
have popcorn and snacks. That is the fun of going.
70. My first date was to a school play, with a longtime friend.
He dressed up, wore cologne, and acted totally different.
It was sweet.
71. I was the only girl in the Independent Study Chem 2 class
in high school. We were mostly unsupervised in a long narrow
classroom. I learned the meaning of the expression "pounding
your pud," and to duck when someone threw a superball as
hard as he could against the wall.
72. I do not wear makeup, though I have in the past.
73. I do not like to wear jewelry, but I have pierced ears.
Most days, I do not even wear my wedding rings.
74. My kids are the most important things in my world. I cry
sometimes, thinking about how much I love them.
75. I don't have a lot of friends, but those I have are quality.
76. I coached volleyball and basketball for 8 years. Enough is
enough.
77. I believe in ghosts or entities. I have seen two, and do not
wish to see more. I would never go into a dark building and
say, "Is there someone here who wants to speak to us?"
78. I love to read. I picture actors as the characters, like a
movie in my head. I have never imagined myself to be one
of the characters
79. I am mainly right-handed, but can write with both hands.
Things I always do left-handed are deal cards, blow my nose,
shoot a basketball. My oldest son is left-handed.
80. I like to fish, but haven't been in years. I like to go alone,
sit on the bank, bait with worms or grasshoppers, and see
what I can catch.
81. I am a redneck country girl, but I go to see the St. Louis
Symphony at the junior college once a year.
82. I hate it when I go by the rules, and other people get
away with breaking them.
83. I resented that I had to work so my husband could pay
child support to his ex-wife, who didn't work.
84. My favorite season is fall, followed by winter.
85. My favorite comedians are Kathleen Madigan and
Chris Rock.
86. I have too many favorite books to name. I read them over
and over. A whole wall of my office is a bookshelf full of books.
87. I hate putting away laundry and vacuuming. I would rather
clean sinks and toilets.
88. When I worked for the Unemployment Office, I called the
claimant and the employer, and then decided who was more
believable, and made a decision based on our laws. I loved it.
89. My students respect me, and even like me most of the time.
90. I have been fired twice. Both times over coaching.
91. My eyes are hazel, but look green when I wear my favorite
color: green.
92. I sprained my ankle in a square-dancing class at college
when a big clumsy guy behind me stepped on my foot. It
sprained the inside (medial) side of my ankle, not the outside
part that most people sprain when they 'turn an ankle'.
93. Times and places that fascinate me are the Middle Ages,
U.S. Civil War, Scottish castles, Ireland, Australia. It makes
me wonder if those reincarnation people know something.
94. When I was a kid, the St. Louis Cardinals quarterback
Jim Hart rang our doorbell and asked for directions.
95. I have a friend who met Wernher von Braun.
96. Men remind me of little boys. It is easy to tell what they
are thinking.
97. I have turned in students who appeared to be under the
influence of drugs. Some have been suspended for 180 days.
I do not feel sorry. It is my job to provide a safe environment
for the students. I would rather have them mad at me than dead.
98. The school nurse has asked me to "smell" certain students.
She said I was the next best thing to the drug dog. I think that
was a compliment.
99. I do not like visitors to come to my house.
100. I must have alone time every day, even if it means I only
get 5-6 hours sleep each night.

Wow. I could do a hundred more. Don't worry. I won't.