Thursday, February 02, 2006

Revenge of a Rebecca

Anybody who drops in here regularly to submit to my sidewinding
digressions knows that I am Emperor of Hillmomba, and our nation
is at war with Rebecca's nation of Beclakia.It appears that Rebecca
did not take kindly to me publishing her little-known trivia, and has
retaliated over at her own blog.

Well...I can explain. Really. Most of them.

I do not sleep, I wait. Yes, that is correct. I wait for an instant to
seize the enemy by the juglar. I wait for the other hand to clap. I
wait for ER to get all the seasons out on DVD. Who can sleep?

That worse-dressed thing? I was busy STUDYING in high school.
I had no time for fashion. I was not yet OH SO PRETTY. I did
not have the cool clothes: the CPO jacket, the Earth Shoes, the
leather purse with the rawhide string thingy clasp, the boyfriend's
heavy metal ID bracelet. But I DID have the striped knee-high
tube socks.

Do you mean to tell me that an Etch-A-Sketch does not get TV
reception? I guess I can stop shaking it now. I wondered why
my little techy son stared at me so.

Those darned ol' Iron Chef people wouldn't know good Chex
mix if it bit them on the behind. Which a good Chex Mix can do.

The two sons thingy is a bit backward. I try to FORGET where
I put them.

Mount Rushmore is not the result of millions of years worth of
weathering? Who knew?

I do NOT manicure my pets' nails. I do NOT want anyone or
anything to take away my OH SO PRETTY title.

I AM ubuquitous and abundant. At first I didn't think I was, but
I looked it up in Webster's Dictionary because my freaky little
child who I tried to misplace would not let me online. Yes. I am
EVERYWHERE! Be careful what you say about me.

The chicken thing is JUST WRONG! Who spends their time
hypnotizing chickens? No wonder Beclakia is a backward nation.

I don't know what Krumping is, because I am not hep to that lingo,
Big Daddy-O. I am very old, and there must be a generation gap.
I assume it is a type of dancing, and I can only say that my dancing
style mimics that of Elaine on Seinfeld.

Finally, yes, that IS my voice in the Charlie Brown schoolhouse.
My voice strikes fear into the hearts of children. Actually, I talk
like this about once a week, when there is an announcement at
the Middle School while we teachers and students are in the hall
between classes. That is exactly how it sounds, WAH WAH WAH.
I am quite good at imitating it. Just one of my many talents.

So there, Rebecca. You have not turned my loyal Hillmombians
against their leader. Run along and play in your pitiful little nation.
You don't even have an Academy-Award nominated songwriter
like our Dolly Parton among your citizens.

Don't hate us because we're OH SO PRETTY. Hate us because
we're older than you, we're smarter than you, and we have more
insurance.

Oh, and this would have been posted earlier, except freakin'
free Blogger decided to go down right when I was posting. Yes,
I take full credit for the outage. Lucky for me, I am psychic, and
onto Blogger's tricks, and saved in Wordpad on a whim, which
I have only done once before. Psychic, I tell you.

8 Comments:

Blogger Bungirl said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:02 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

You Poor Thing,
My, my. Don't you know that Hillbilly Mom is psychic?

7:48 AM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

I myself would like to know what Krumping is.

10:07 AM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

Why the high-tech comment security all the sudden? Is someone leaking government secrets? Want me to give them some bad cheese?

10:30 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
Oh, so you think you can just fob off, by agreeing to what I have told people. Oh just you wait, Beclakia is developing a secret Sonic Cherry Diet Coke flavoured Cheese. Hillmombians wont be able to resist such a treat, but it turns them into slow sloths that couldn't be bothered doing a thing. Your economy will be ruined!
HooRoo
Rebecca

12:44 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Diva,
Wikipedia tells me Krumping is clown dancing, a hip-hop style with elements of breakdancing (popping and locking) and stripper dancing, and gangsta boogie. Who knew? Rebecca, and not us.

Mrs.,
Once upon a time, there was a pitiful soul who had an agenda with somebody not me, and wanted to use my blog for attention. Since I am not a mental health professional, I want nothing to do with stalkerish peoples.

I have no beef with the stalkee, and felt it unfair to let someone post here with a bad blogger profile. I can't believe in this day and age, people don't understand that a statcounter tells a multitude of info. No matter how many sites you hip-hop to get where you're going, the IP address can be found. For law enforcement purposes, you know. Maybe I'll post the IP. I'm sure somebody could get me a good identity for embarrassment purposes.

A dose of bad cheese might do the trick. Surely there's no law against feeding somebody cheese...


Bec,
We Hillmombians are already slow sloths. Bring on the cheese. I don't think it will affect our output of crystal meth too much.

5:35 PM  
Blogger jules said...

Since I have received my Monday only citizenship, does that mean I have to participate in the feud on Mondays? Cuz I was really thinking I was gonna relax and partake in the meth lab. I don't wanna do no feudin...dammit.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Jules,
You do not have to feud on DoNotDays. We still need your kind to keep the nation running, what with your infatuation with our national product.

(This is the third time I've responded to your disappearing comment, Jules. Blogger has been evil of late.)

10:39 PM  

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