Sunday, April 02, 2006

Sunday Search Party

Let's take a look into the giant vat of keyword searches that led
people to the mansion over the past two weeks. Seems these folks
are an inquisitive bunch. I feel like I'm working the information booth
at a hillbilly theme park. I will do my best to help them. But some
of them don't talk pretty this day. Some of them have problems I
can't solve.

Can babies drink Mountain Dew?
Um...no. That elixir is reserved for the 5-14 age group. They need
it for extra energy.

Why does cinnamon gum wrapper hurt your forehead?
Because you are supposed to CHEW the gum, and THROW
AWAY the wrapper. I'm surprised it doesn't come with instructions.

Bette Midler monologue what are we ladies?
We are waitresses at the banquet of life. Now get in that kitchen
and rattle them pots and pans. And you better look pretty G-D
good doing it too...or you're gonna lose a good thaaaanng.

Fat people fit hot tub?
What are you saying??? Are we not human? Do we not hurt when
a cinnamon gum wrapper is placed on our forehead?

Poo poo woe?
Try a little more fiber in your diet, honey.

I got fined skipping jury duty.
That's not a question. Thanks for sharing...but that's nothing to be
proud of.

Gum irritation with bleachers?
Gum does have quite the temper. It does not like being stuck
under the bleachers. Oh, you meant the tooth kind of gum? Stop
trying to chew the other kind off the bottom of the bleachers.

Can I eat Kraft mac cheese after expiry date?
Sure. Then get yourself to a GED English class.

Lord of the Flies book how did it get the scar?
There seems to be some conjecture on that incident. Here are
some theories.

Gyno doc exam video?
You mean there's a video on how to become a gyno doc?
Who knew?

Hillbilly inbreeding?
Ahem. Those terms are mutually exclusive. Like 'jumbo shrimp'.

Who makes hillbilly bread?
My teaching buddy Mabel knows the answer to this. She tells
her students every time the cafeteria serves hot rolls: the monks
in the caves of the hills of the St. Francois mountains.

Video Alec Baldwin face transplant?
If you can't say anything nice about Mr. Baldwin's appearance,
don't say anything at all.

St. Louis laws about teepeeing?
Hey! Go to the city to ask that! This is a hillbilly theme park!

Free series of maths mansion what we can watch now?
No. Nothing is ever free. No watching of the maths mansion until
you pass your English test.

Hillbilly hankerin' theater?
Hey! This might become a new feature on my blog. Thanks for
the idea, but don't expect any credit.

2 Comments:

Blogger It's All About You said...

Marry me!

Dang, you're already married!

(looks at left hand) Dang, I'm married too!

B*gger!

(too much Jack Daniels here I fear)

6:50 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

You know me so well!

I know it's hard to resist my charms. Who wouldn't want to watch gyno and math videos while eating expired mac & cheese, hillbilly bread, cinnamon gum, and washing it down with Mountain Dew? If that doesn't irritate our gums too much, or give us poo poo problems, there's the promise of trying to squeeze into the hot tub for a scholarly discussion of Lord of the Flies, Alec Baldwin's face, Bette Midler, teepeeing laws, and jury duty.

I AM quite a catch. Alas, we will have to respect our partners and do the virtual internet marriage thingy!

5:25 PM  

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