Sunday, July 09, 2006


As you know, I harped at y'all a couple days ago to go vote on
who stays in the Big Blogger 2 Cyberhouse. I'm sure you did,
but I can't check up on you because the poll does not seem to be
working. Anyhoo...that is neither here nor there. I just wanted
you to know I didn't send you on a wild vote chase. The poll was
working earlier.

Oh, I thought I was OH SO COOL, threatening y'all to vote for
me. One of my competitors, Cazzie, has played it cool by staying
on the down-low. None of this stumping for votes from her.
Cazzie is classy. But it is our third competitor, Stewed Hamm,
who takes the cake. No he's not a pastry thief...

Stew is a freakin' genius!!! He has played the penis card!
And I am OH SO ENVIOUS! Who wouldn't vote for a penis?
To paraphrase that: Any Penis Can Get a Vote. Just like my
teaching buddies used to say at the lunch table, "Any man can
get a woman." That was my old lunch table, not the current one
that consists of me and 5 penises. They don't have to say it.
They live it. I meant my old lunch table, the one with 4 women
and 3 penises. Not that any of the women had penises. If they
did, they didn't share that info with me.

But getting back to Stew's penis...He has found a way to get votes
that blows our boats out of the water. He has appealed to the
penised crowd. 'Vote for a fellow penis.' And you know how those
penises stick together! We will just have to concede the penis vote
to Stew. Because he's a freakin' genius, I tell you! Who knew?
He (and his penis) have been flying along under the radar during
the entire Big Blogger 2 contest. And now he has let his penis
flag fly. What a carefully orchestrated symphony he's conducted!
His campaign has climaxed at quite an opportune time. HooRah,
Stew! Way to use your head! Hopefully, Cazzie and I are not
screwed just yet. Let the penises fall where they may, by cracky!

Well done, Stew. This year's contest has been quite competitive.
I have enjoyed it immensely. I hope you don't take offense that
I used your penis for a post. I was short on ideas, and your
penile plea came to mind. I am also short on time, and I've
cranked this out kind of hurriedly.

I must now go watch the new season of Intervention. I think
tonight there's an alcoholic crackhead. Cheers!


Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Hahaha at the penis card, I am ROTFL here!!! Have to hand it to Stew for that, I guess we could win points by saying we got mammaries and he has not :) THey have been ever so useful to us ladies, they have fed babies, they snared our husbands and they are the prize picture for many a blog reader to adore...but never to caress :) They can look, but must not touch.

9:25 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Oh, I love the words you chose for that one paragraph.
And then, in the very next one, I think you use the word "short" a few times.
By cracky, I think you've got it.

11:26 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes, I suppose as a last resort we can play the boobie card. But that is such an easy way to go.

Glad to see someone else is as warped as I am. And isn't it fun to say 'By cracky'?

12:22 AM  
Blogger MamaKBear said...

LMAO at the thought of search terms that are gonna show up now with this post!!

12:42 AM  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Touche, HM. (Which, incidentally, is different than "touchy." I learned that the hard way)

Well I'm certainly beside myself, you guys. Can it be that my single post was all it took to perk up the pair of you? A little sloganizing from me and you're bouncing up and down with enthusiasm, it seems. You're almost giddy, really. The Cyberhouse is a whole bag full of fun... no wait, one's not enough; we'll need two funbags, really.

If I may be allowed to engage in a little tit for tat, I commend you on the sizeable lead you had in the poll. Should you prove to be victorious once more, I'll hoist a couple jugs of Sonic Cherry Diet Coke (Mentos-free, no less) in your honor. I might even make up a little dessert tray for the cyberhouse. Something classy, you know? Perhaps some melon slices and little cherries on top.

Or is this some sort of plot to cleave the solidarity I share with Cazzie, and bust us up? I'm not trying to knock you by saying you'd stoop to dirty tricks or anything... in fact, I'm not a knocker at all, so let's just nip that rumor in the bud.

Um... what was I saying again?
Oh yeah. Glad you like my campaign, HM.

1:40 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

And now they will be even better, thanks to Stewie.

Ta-ta. Thanks for the mammaries. Not to make a mountain out of a molehill, but a boob is a terrible thing to waist.

2:32 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Growing up with the Diva, you can't help but say "by cracky".

8:00 AM  
Blogger Chickadee said...

As MamaK has said, you know you're going to get all kinds of weirdos by having the word "penis" in your blog don't ya? ;)

12:33 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

I'm so glad I stole it from her. That, and 'waistboob' from DeadpanAnn.

After I got 'wet worn panties crusty pee', I don't think a 'penis' or two would shock me.

1:44 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

This Is Big Blogger.

The Polling situation has been corrected.

This Has Been Big Blogger.

2:55 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Big Blogger,
Thank the Gummi Mary, the problem has been corrected!

7:30 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said... eat lunch with 5 penises??? I am SO jealous.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

It's not like I eat my lunch WITH them, as in "You eat your lunch with a fork?"

Meh. It's an acquired taste--my lunchtime company. I became accustomed to them, and now it will change when school starts again. One of the penii will be leaving.

10:22 PM  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

You eat lunch with 5 penises, eh? And I thought chopsticks were difficult to use!


(WV: ulepub. Is that the kind of bar that serves girly drinks with the umbrellas in them?)

11:28 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

I was going to work chopsticks in there, but then I though penis and fork goes together better than penis and chop.

Yes. That is the meaning of the word verification. A little girly-man bar. George Costanza drives his Le Car to it. He leaves the JoHn Voight car at home, with his heterosexual life partner, Jerry.

7:42 PM  

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