OH SO ENVIOUS
As you know, I harped at y'all a couple days ago to go vote on
who stays in the Big Blogger 2 Cyberhouse. I'm sure you did,
but I can't check up on you because the poll does not seem to be
working. Anyhoo...that is neither here nor there. I just wanted
you to know I didn't send you on a wild vote chase. The poll was
working earlier.
Oh, I thought I was OH SO COOL, threatening y'all to vote for
me. One of my competitors, Cazzie, has played it cool by staying
on the down-low. None of this stumping for votes from her.
Cazzie is classy. But it is our third competitor, Stewed Hamm,
who takes the cake. No he's not a pastry thief...
Stew is a freakin' genius!!! He has played the penis card!
And I am OH SO ENVIOUS! Who wouldn't vote for a penis?
To paraphrase that: Any Penis Can Get a Vote. Just like my
teaching buddies used to say at the lunch table, "Any man can
get a woman." That was my old lunch table, not the current one
that consists of me and 5 penises. They don't have to say it.
They live it. I meant my old lunch table, the one with 4 women
and 3 penises. Not that any of the women had penises. If they
did, they didn't share that info with me.
But getting back to Stew's penis...He has found a way to get votes
that blows our boats out of the water. He has appealed to the
penised crowd. 'Vote for a fellow penis.' And you know how those
penises stick together! We will just have to concede the penis vote
to Stew. Because he's a freakin' genius, I tell you! Who knew?
He (and his penis) have been flying along under the radar during
the entire Big Blogger 2 contest. And now he has let his penis
flag fly. What a carefully orchestrated symphony he's conducted!
His campaign has climaxed at quite an opportune time. HooRah,
Stew! Way to use your head! Hopefully, Cazzie and I are not
screwed just yet. Let the penises fall where they may, by cracky!
It is ONNNNN!
Well done, Stew. This year's contest has been quite competitive.
I have enjoyed it immensely. I hope you don't take offense that
I used your penis for a post. I was short on ideas, and your
penile plea came to mind. I am also short on time, and I've
cranked this out kind of hurriedly.
I must now go watch the new season of Intervention. I think
tonight there's an alcoholic crackhead. Cheers!
who stays in the Big Blogger 2 Cyberhouse. I'm sure you did,
but I can't check up on you because the poll does not seem to be
working. Anyhoo...that is neither here nor there. I just wanted
you to know I didn't send you on a wild vote chase. The poll was
working earlier.
Oh, I thought I was OH SO COOL, threatening y'all to vote for
me. One of my competitors, Cazzie, has played it cool by staying
on the down-low. None of this stumping for votes from her.
Cazzie is classy. But it is our third competitor, Stewed Hamm,
who takes the cake. No he's not a pastry thief...
Stew is a freakin' genius!!! He has played the penis card!
And I am OH SO ENVIOUS! Who wouldn't vote for a penis?
To paraphrase that: Any Penis Can Get a Vote. Just like my
teaching buddies used to say at the lunch table, "Any man can
get a woman." That was my old lunch table, not the current one
that consists of me and 5 penises. They don't have to say it.
They live it. I meant my old lunch table, the one with 4 women
and 3 penises. Not that any of the women had penises. If they
did, they didn't share that info with me.
But getting back to Stew's penis...He has found a way to get votes
that blows our boats out of the water. He has appealed to the
penised crowd. 'Vote for a fellow penis.' And you know how those
penises stick together! We will just have to concede the penis vote
to Stew. Because he's a freakin' genius, I tell you! Who knew?
He (and his penis) have been flying along under the radar during
the entire Big Blogger 2 contest. And now he has let his penis
flag fly. What a carefully orchestrated symphony he's conducted!
His campaign has climaxed at quite an opportune time. HooRah,
Stew! Way to use your head! Hopefully, Cazzie and I are not
screwed just yet. Let the penises fall where they may, by cracky!
It is ONNNNN!
Well done, Stew. This year's contest has been quite competitive.
I have enjoyed it immensely. I hope you don't take offense that
I used your penis for a post. I was short on ideas, and your
penile plea came to mind. I am also short on time, and I've
cranked this out kind of hurriedly.
I must now go watch the new season of Intervention. I think
tonight there's an alcoholic crackhead. Cheers!
posted by Hillbilly Mom at 8:16 PM
15 Comments:
Hahaha at the penis card, I am ROTFL here!!! Have to hand it to Stew for that, I guess we could win points by saying we got mammaries and he has not :) THey have been ever so useful to us ladies, they have fed babies, they snared our husbands and they are the prize picture for many a blog reader to adore...but never to caress :) They can look, but must not touch.
Oh, I love the words you chose for that one paragraph.
blows
climaxed
head
screwed
And then, in the very next one, I think you use the word "short" a few times.
By cracky, I think you've got it.
Cazzie,
Yes, I suppose as a last resort we can play the boobie card. But that is such an easy way to go.
Stacie,
Glad to see someone else is as warped as I am. And isn't it fun to say 'By cracky'?
LMAO at the thought of search terms that are gonna show up now with this post!!
Touche, HM. (Which, incidentally, is different than "touchy." I learned that the hard way)
Well I'm certainly beside myself, you guys. Can it be that my single post was all it took to perk up the pair of you? A little sloganizing from me and you're bouncing up and down with enthusiasm, it seems. You're almost giddy, really. The Cyberhouse is a whole bag full of fun... no wait, one's not enough; we'll need two funbags, really.
If I may be allowed to engage in a little tit for tat, I commend you on the sizeable lead you had in the poll. Should you prove to be victorious once more, I'll hoist a couple jugs of Sonic Cherry Diet Coke (Mentos-free, no less) in your honor. I might even make up a little dessert tray for the cyberhouse. Something classy, you know? Perhaps some melon slices and little cherries on top.
Or is this some sort of plot to cleave the solidarity I share with Cazzie, and bust us up? I'm not trying to knock you by saying you'd stoop to dirty tricks or anything... in fact, I'm not a knocker at all, so let's just nip that rumor in the bud.
Um... what was I saying again?
Oh yeah. Glad you like my campaign, HM.
MamaK,
And now they will be even better, thanks to Stewie.
Stewing-In-Your-Own-Juices,
Ta-ta. Thanks for the mammaries. Not to make a mountain out of a molehill, but a boob is a terrible thing to waist.
Growing up with the Diva, you can't help but say "by cracky".
As MamaK has said, you know you're going to get all kinds of weirdos by having the word "penis" in your blog don't ya? ;)
http://www.danno.org/blogs
Stacie,
I'm so glad I stole it from her. That, and 'waistboob' from DeadpanAnn.
Chick,
After I got 'wet worn panties crusty pee', I don't think a 'penis' or two would shock me.
This Is Big Blogger.
The Polling situation has been corrected.
This Has Been Big Blogger.
Big Blogger,
Thank the Gummi Mary, the problem has been corrected!
Wait......you eat lunch with 5 penises??? I am SO jealous.
Diva,
It's not like I eat my lunch WITH them, as in "You eat your lunch with a fork?"
Meh. It's an acquired taste--my lunchtime company. I became accustomed to them, and now it will change when school starts again. One of the penii will be leaving.
You eat lunch with 5 penises, eh? And I thought chopsticks were difficult to use!
Ba-da-bump!
(WV: ulepub. Is that the kind of bar that serves girly drinks with the umbrellas in them?)
Stewed,
I was going to work chopsticks in there, but then I though penis and fork goes together better than penis and chop.
Yes. That is the meaning of the word verification. A little girly-man bar. George Costanza drives his Le Car to it. He leaves the JoHn Voight car at home, with his heterosexual life partner, Jerry.
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