Sunday, November 20, 2005

Lunch Time Tale

This lunch time tale will make you lose your appetite. Once upon a
time, I had lunch duty. I have taught at 5 different schools, and one
of them twice. Guess I shouldn't make fun of my friend for marrying
the same husband twice, huh? So you can take your pick in which
school this occurred, because I'll never tell.

It so happens that I was minding everyone's business, eating away,
when what to my wandering eye should appear? If only it had been
a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer! But no! It was a ninth
grade girl eating her pumpkin pie. And it really was pumpkin pie,
not that Cool Whip pumpkiny concoction with graham cracker
crust that some cafeterias try to pass off as pie.

What, you ask, could be disturbing about a girl eating her pumpkin
pie? Let me answer for you...she took her index finger and twirled
it around in the Cool Whip on top of the pie. Then she said, "Hey,
Mortimer!" (not actual name) to a kid two tables away. Next, she
put that finger into her mouth, left it a minute while making eyes at
him, then slowly withdrew the finger with her eyes closed. Of
course Mortimer's eyes bugged out, he wiped drool from his chin,
and said, "Hey, guys! Look at that!" As she was about to reload
her finger, I walked up behind her and told her that it needed to

"What did I do?" Her lunchtime companions looked down at the
table, snickering.

"You know exactly what you did, and so do all these people at
your table, and that other table. Unless you want to carry that
pie to the office and demonstrate for the principal, you had better
eat it with a fork, or not at all."

"All riiiiight." Eye roll.

Like a gave a rat's behind if her eyes rolled right out of her head.
She settled down. I wouldn't say she was remorseful about what
she had done, but she was remorseful about being caught. I
really did not want to write up a description of this on a discipline
form. This kid's mom had been there a bazillion times over one
or another of her brood. It would have been my word against hers,
and I would have been the dirty-minded ogre. OK, I am one, but
not everyone knows it yet. The behavior stopped, which was my
immediate goal.

Eeewwwww. How can even an immature kid find that behavior
appealing? She wasn't that pretty and she wasn't that smart. Oops.
That is what Luka told Abby on ER when they had their giant
break-up. You know, after he had killed that man by banging
his head against the pavement on their first date (Luka and Abby,
not Luka and the dead guy), and before he threatened to kill
Abby's neighbor in a bar after he had broken Abby's nose and
smacked her around (the neighbor, not Luka). Gosh, I'm glad
Abby and Luka are getting back together this season. But I

Kids. They want to act like adults, but without adult responsibilities.


Blogger MamaKBear said...

They start younger and younger, don't they?

3:20 AM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

Was she wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with B J on the front????

8:43 AM  
Blogger Erica said...

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to say that this sort of behavior is rare in public schools? Eek. The things I have seen (far worse than this I must say) will make it very difficult for me to send my child off to high school. In some ways I'm glad I know what goes on there because I feel like it will make me a better parent, but the knowing what goes on...oy. Well, that is the stuff of nightmares.

9:12 AM  
Blogger Northend Nique said...

Ewww. I so cannot show my husband this post. He would have a heart attack. HIS little girl would NEVER do that! Crap, what to do when you have a girl. :(

10:56 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes. #1 has a girlfriend, and he's 10. That means she calls him, and he's mean to her.

Ha! No. She's not a transfer student from your husband's school.

One time I overheard a group of 7th grade girls badmouthing one of their classmates. "She doesn't know anything. She's probably still a VIRGIN!"

I don't know. I'm glad I have boys. The girls these days really go after them.

7:05 PM  
Blogger jules said...

Luka and Abby are getting back together? When did I miss THAT?

8:14 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Oops! that's a spoiler. Last week, she woke up in his bed and couldn't find her panties. Maybe I just assumed....

8:44 PM  

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