Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Hillbilly Mom Has Issues

Well, surprise, surprise...Hillbilly Mom has issues. How very
uncharacteristic of me! Hey! It's my blog, and I'll whine when
I want to.

This morning I arose at 4:30 a.m. to take my Hillbilly Husband
to the Outpatient Surgery Center for a lateral meniscectomy
and a synovectomy. Ooohh...sounds gruesome, doesn't it?
The doctor took out part of his cartilage, and took out a bursa
from the other knee. That is from when he thought he was
dying with a septic knee, but it was truly "housemaid's knee."
He's fine. He didn't wake up during surgery. He has meds.

Now, let's get down to business, since everything IS ALL
ABOUT MEEEEEEEE!

We were the second couple to get there. We went to a table
in the waiting room, and I staked out my spot. It was in a row
of chairs against the wall, at the end of a table, facing the TV.
I put a coat on the chair to my left, and HH's crutches on the
chair to my right. I set my bag of magazines, book, bills to pay,
phone, checkbook, HH's billfold, HH's glasses, bottle of water,
etc. on the table. Hey! It was too much for a purse. Man, was
I settled in. If I didn't think people would look at me funny, I
would have turned around 3 times like a dog before I sat down.

And now, here's my issue. People did look at me. One couple
came in and sat across the room. They were fine. Next, a
threesome arrived. It looked like an old lady with her daughter
and son-in-law. There were 26 other chairs in that room.
Where did they sit? Right freaking next to me. HH had been
called in, and the chair at the table by my left side was still
moved out. Old Lady and the kids grabbed it, and the next
two. So I was at the end of the table. They were down one
side of the table. Did they turn to look at the TV? H*** no!
Did they turn to talk amongst themselves? H*** no! They
freakin' stared at ME! Every now and then I would lift up
my head, thinking they would look away. That wasn't
happening.

I was reading an old TV guide. The oversized new edition
with a lot more articles. How exciting could that be? Watching
Hillbilly Mom read? I don't even move my lips! I am a human
being, people! I am not an entertainment center! If "Fitty"
chops me up, do I not bleed all over his fifty-five gallon barrels?

A new couple had come in, and sat at the opposite end of the
table. When the woman was called to surgery, her husband
also stared at me. I know this is Redneckland, but don't these
people have TVs? They were showing Coach reruns. What's
not to like? It's Craig T. Nelson and Jerry Van Dyke! Hayden
Fox and Luther Van Dam! They are more entertaining than me
reading a magazine!

After about 45 minutes of this abuse, the nurse called me in to
be with HH. He was scheduled for 7:30. By 8:10, I was antsy.
"I have to get back out there," I told HH. "They will be moving
in on my territory. I know I will go out to find them in my chairs.
One will be wearing my coat, and another will be doing laps
around the room on your crutches." HH thought I was nuts. He
thinks this most of the time. Go figure.

The nurse came in to get HH, and told me I could wait in his
little private room. I told her I needed to get some things. I went
out to put HH's crutches in the car. My stuff was where I left it.
But they still stared at me.

Now to the next issue. HH got fake vicodin pain meds. His
doctor gave him 30, and one refill. Now I am really mad at
my operating-on-wide-awake-patients surgeon. I only got
20. No refill. Not that I am addicted or anything.

That will be my last issue today, due to the length of the post,
and people not really caring about my issues.

11 Comments:

Blogger MamaKBear said...

Sheesh! I guess those people didn't have anything better to do. Or maybe you had spinach in your teeth or something, I dunno.

5:24 PM  
Blogger jules said...

Well, I've seen the pictures your kids have drawn of you and you ARE pretty funny looking........

5:42 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

MamaKB,
Nope. I'm not a fan of the spinach. Maybe they thought I was famous.

Jules,
OUCH! I've got another one lying around here somewhere. It shows the duality of my nature, if I remember right. Maybe tomorrow, if you're all really good...

5:57 PM  
Blogger Lessa said...

I'm ALWAYS really good. *adjusts halo*

And man. I hate it when people do that. I embarassed one guy real bad because I finally snapped "Yeah, I'm a fat cow, get OVER it, already!"

He walked off. heh.heh.heh.

9:50 PM  
Blogger KarbonKountyMoos said...

Ouch - I had my Sugar Beet Baron in for an outpatient procedure today too. I guess I should stop joking about us taking turns falling apart. . .

Hope that you're both feeling better. Oh, and maybe they were staring at the tinfoil helmet. . .

9:52 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but wearing your Halloween costume to the hospital would have been fun.
Sorry, what is that? You weren't in a costume, that is how you normally dress.
Well no wonder they were staring at you! :-P
HooRoo
Rebecca

1:38 AM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

I've had people stare like that too, course I was with April and Redneck Diva at the time, how could they not stare at the 3 of us?????

8:21 AM  
Blogger L said...

Why do men always get the extra helping of drugs?
Must be some male driven conspircy.

4:21 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Lessa,
You go, girl! I had a friend who yelled at some kids: "I already KNOW I'm fat, so you can stop pointing and laughing!" They ran back in the store to find their mom.

Karen,
What? The helmet might be seen as unusual?

Bec,
I saw enough costumes at the hospital when I had my own surgery.
Even my middle school students have criticized my personal style.

Mrs.,
People probably thought you were their "keeper."

L,
Because most doctors are men. It's the Old Boy network. A nurse told my husband that HER husband came home with a note from his doctor that said: "Can not hear women or children." So then he had a doctor's note for not listening.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I would have totally pretended to eat boogers.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Erica said...

I wish there was some sort of little handbook everyone recieved when they become of reading age (or just a picture book for those who think reading is for "'high falootin' folk") that would explain the instances where one does not STARE at another person. These are unwritten rules, you see, and therein lies the problem, because most people are too stupid to realize this.

Places like the elevator, the doctor's office, in line at the post office, and the NY subway are good places to mind your own friggin' business. I would hate to see what happened to those guys on a subway during commute hours...eek. At least you let them live!

7:57 AM  

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