Monday, April 24, 2006

Hillbilly Mom Learns Two Lessons

Let me share. I know my life is fascinating. Perhaps I can be of help
to you, in a Hillbilly Public Service Announcement kind of way.

Last night, around 8:50, as #1 son and I were watching Hogan
Knows Best, we heard a giant POP sound upstairs. We looked at
each other. "What was THAT?" Jinx.

It was in the kitchen.
Are you sure?
Yeah. It was your dad dropping something.
Uh...Mom...Dad is already in bed.
Go see what it was.
No. You go see.
No. I'm going to sleep. Give me a drink.
No. Go get your own water.
Oh, all right!

The boy ran upstairs, in a loud, thumping manner, as only 11-year-
old boys can do. He came thumping back down soon after, with a
bottle of water and a white, sticky blob in his hands.

Look what I found. It's all over the fridge.
On the inside. There's some on the door, and some on the butter.
Get that back upstairs before it gets all over everything! What's
wrong with you?

Oh, and there's a big crack in the door.

I went upstairs. There had been an explosion. A can of Pillsbury
Peel-Apart Biscuits had camped too long in the refrigerator of the
mansion. I think that's the name of them. That's what we call them,
anyway. I took out the can with the sticky remains. The bottom
said, "Use by December, 2005." We need a maid here at the
mansion. The door is indeed cracked in the upper left corner. HH
thinks he may be able to patch it with putty. I'm not looking
forward to that handiwork.

While that little incident made me feel kind of, umm...less than
intelligent, at least I know that if I reply to an email that has been
sent building-wide, the whole building will be reading my message.
Just sayin', people...

And my laugh of the day goes to a 9th grade DoNot, who was
becoming flustered at trying to stump me on the US Constitution
study guide. I haven't seen it since last year, but I knew the gist of
all the amendments he had asked me so far.

1st-freedom of speech, religion, assembly, petition, etc.
2nd-right to bear arms
3rd-no quartering of troops in private homes
5th-right not to testify against yourself in a court
8th-no cruel and unusual punishment
14th-freed the slaves
15th-gave right to vote to all males over 21
18th-prohibited manufacture and sale of alcohol
19th-women's suffrage (gave women right to vote)
20th-lame duck amendment (outgoing president stuff)
21st-repealed prohibition
22nd-limits terms of presidency

He was reading them all out of order. I was on quite a roll. He was
becoming perturbed. Then, he stumped me. The 4th Amendment.
EEEEEE! I couldn't remember. He took pity on me. He tried to
give me a clue. "You know," he said. "Like this." He laid his head
down on his desk and started shaking all over. I didn't get it. He
shook more. I still didn't get it. "What am I having?"

"OH! No unreasonable search and SEIZURE by the government!"

"Very good. Now you will have a way to remember number 4."

Man! I hate it when the kids teach me stuff.


Blogger Chickadee said...

OHHH man, I've got some of the pillsbury biscuits in a can stuff sitting in my fridge. It's been in there since Christmas. I better go take it out. Thanks for the public service announcement.

10:27 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Always glad to be of service to the public.

10:35 PM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

What are these biscuits made of, dyno-mite or what? Sounds like what a bottle of Sarsbury does when you let it sit too long in the freezer or something..are these biscuits in a can under pressure?
Cheers Cazzie!!!

12:21 AM  
Blogger Kieran said...

My sister's girlfriend and her husband lived in quite a rough part of town. One night they heard a loud bang and went downstair to investigate. There was a hole through their kitchen window and a crimson liquid running down the walls. They assumed someone had just been shot in their kitchen. Then they thought about it, turned the lights on and discovered that a bottle of some red alcholic beverage had exploded in the heat, flinging its cork through the window and spraying what looked like blood accross the walls. Excellent. And this entertainment didn't cost them anything - it was completely free.

I love your attitude towards your students. You should have just made up an ammendment to make the kid feel inferior.

10:01 AM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

I've had them explode in the car before but never in the fridge. Interesting! Oh wait, I did have one explode last year in the 5th wheel fridge because it was really hot outside and it didn't stay cool enough in there I guess as we were going down the road.

I would have been stumped on the Admendments, I guess I never paid that much attention to them. Hmmm...I always thought I was a good student but the older I get the more I realize I really must have just cheated my way through school b/c I don't remember any of the work!

12:42 PM  
Blogger Apple said...

Love your blog. Especially your DoNots stories.

Sorry about the crack in your fridge. I thought things like that only happened to me!


5:28 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
Should there be another admendment say you get a new fridge from the government if there is an explosion of pillsbury biscuits in a can stuff?
I can't wait to see the photos of HH's handy work, it is reminding me of the Red Green Show already.

5:53 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

These biscuits are just dough in a can. Yes, they are under pressure...aren't we all...sigh. I guess the yeast ferments or something. I don't even know if biscuits have yeast. I'm not such a good cook. Or a good housekeeper.

Gosh, and I thought I was bad about the ALL ABOUT ME attitude. Your sister's friends must have felt very important to be singled out for their apartment to be chosen as a murder site.

You have a teacher's soul, heh heh! Yes! It's all about making the kid feel inferior! Little sh*ts get away with murder.

You must actually eat your biscuits before the expiration date! What a unique idea!

Whatchu talkin' bout! CRACK in my fridge? That's how rumors get started! Did the DoNots hire you?

6:24 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Back to your sneaky-snake ways, I see! While I'm not paying attention, you sneak in a comment.

I can not stand to watch Red Green. I live with it. I have a feeling the putty will turn out like the caulk around the sinks and tubs, and the grout in the tile. It is not HH's strong point. And all the electrical outlet plates and switches are tilted about 5 degrees clockwise. One of HH's eyes must me crooked. Oh, I forgot. He can only see out of one of them. At least the other one isn't made of wood.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
I'm not being sneaky. Beclakia is on holidays while I renovte the Big Blogger Cyberhouse for the contestants this year.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Why bother? I will TEAR THAT PLACE UP!!!

5:15 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

Biscuits do not have yeast.

SEIZURE - LOL that's funny!

Have you read Irish Divinity's post about the turkey in her van?? You HAVE to! I still chuckle about it.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Gosh! You could be on the Food Network with your own show. Maybe you could call it "Free Cheese Ramblings".

I haven't read the van turkey yet. It's hard to get around during the school year. My time is limited. DOGGONE it!
I'll check it out soon.

8:33 PM  

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