Monday, April 17, 2006

Bunny Tale

As I promised yesterday, here's the tale of our Saturday lunch date
and how my children always find a way to embarrass me.

My Hillbilly Husband wanted to go out for dinner Friday night, but
the kids wanted to wait until Saturday. They like the local wings
restaurant, because it has a lot of games. We sat at a table out in
the middle of the room, not too close to the giant TV screen. A
couple of guys came in and sat at the booth behind #2 son and I,
about 2 feet away. They sat sideways and propped their legs out
on the booth seats, watching the Cardinals game on TV. By the
time we were almost done, they'd had 3 beers apiece, and not
any food yet. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

#2 son had been trying to win a stuffed yellow dog in one of those
grabber machines. He spent about $3.00, at $.50 a play. Finally,
he snagged it. He was thrilled. He shot both fists into the air, and
yelled, "YES!" An older couple on the other side of the room got
quite a laugh from it. He brought the dog over and sat it between
us on his chair. #1 son swaggered over to the machine, popped
in two quarters, and promptly won a blue Easter bunny. #2 son
jumped up and down. One night, #1 won two stuffed animals,
and gave them to #2. Young #2 knew better than to ask for it.

#1 son put the bunny in his chair and went to play a deer-hunting
game. #2 son stood expectantly by the table, eyebrows raised,
hoping to be given the bunny. #1 said, "If I give it to anyone, I'll
give it to YOU, Mom." #2's hopes were dashed. He stuck out
his bottom lip. I said, "You know what I'll do with it, don't you?"
#1 looked disgusted. "Yeah. Give it to HIM." That's when he did
it. #2 son, standing 2 feet from those 3-beer guys, said loudly,

"I know why. Because YOU SLEEP WITH DAD ALMOST
EVERY NIGHT, MOM! And you don't want any of his spit to
get on it."

I was afraid to turn around and see those guys laughing at me.
I guess they were wondering who I slept with on the other nights.


Because my teaching buddy, Mabel, is disappointed by a short
post, I must continue.

My Hillbilly Mama brought us some leftovers for lunch today. I had
planned to go to her house and consume them, but HH scheduled a
heating & cooling man to come take a look at the air conditioner.
He does these things all the time. When I have a day off, I have to
sit and wait on various servicemen who may or may not be needed.
The air conditioner works fine. HH said it hasn't been checked out
for a few years, so now was as good a time as any. 95 degrees
yesterday, and the thing worked like a charm.

HH has always been bitter about my time off. Forget that he never
went to college, certainly does not have a master's degree, gets to
traipse about the globe on the company's dime (even to New
Jersey and Mississippi, people!), earns a large year-end bonus,
and makes twice what I do. Oh, and he never has to take care of
these whining children 24/7, day in and day out, while taking care
of the house and working a full-time job. No, he begrudges me any
time off. The h & c guy was scheduled to be here at 10:00. He
didn't show up until 12:40, and left after 1:00. He put in three
pounds of coolant, whatever that means, for $150. Whether we
needed it or not, I suppose. HH does a lot of business with their
company. You'd think he'd get a kickback, huh? But he gets
compensated in Christmas hams and baseball and hockey tickets.
That doesn't do much for me. Or the bank account. Thank the
Gummi Mary that we're made of money. (Stop laughing, Mabel).

The boys have been fighting, gorging on Easter candy, fighting,
eating fried eggs for breakfast, fighting, nibbling on Easter candy,
fighting, consuming noodles and butter for lunch, chasing it with
Easter candy, fighting, throwing plastic Easter eggs at each other,
fighting over the same chair (cause we must have only one in
the entire mansion, don'tcha know), and snacking on Easter candy.
Kids. They're all about the carbs. The fried eggs were an anomaly.

I am saving the leftovers for supper, so I had a big salad. Mmm...
a big salad so good that George Costanza would have been proud
to pay for it and let his girlfriend take credit by handing it to Elaine.
I'm not saying it was healthy. But it was good. Hearts of romaine,
fiesta cheese blend, mushrooms, green olives, banana pepper rings,
tomatoes, ranch dressing, sunflower seeds, and butter-and-garlic
croutons. Mmm...

A deadly calm has descended upon the mansion. I must go see if
the boys are in a sugar-induced coma, or if one has been knocked
unconscious by the other.

School tomorrow. I think we have 21 school days left. HooRah!


Blogger LanternLight said...

"I know why. Because YOU SLEEP WITH DAD ALMOST EVERY NIGHT, MOM! And you don't want any of his spit to get on it."

Out of the mouths of babes!

At least it wasn't a sheep...
On a unicycle.... :-)

4:50 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

Mine have 22 days left!! WAHOO!! Oh wait....that just means they'll be here with me...what was I thinking bein' all Wahoo and such?

Actually Abby has aspirations of being a Grand Champion World Famous and All Time Best EVER Babysitter, so I figure she'll take care of the two babies for me this summer. That leaves me more time to blog.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Tra la la...dum de dum...I'm not listening! I can't revisit that hurtful time of the sheep on the unicycle. It damages my self-esteem. I worked OH SO HARD on my Big Blogger assignments, only to have people vote for a SHEEP!

If I don't chicken-out of Big Blogger 2, I might do a post and link my old entries from my Redneck Review blog in April, May , and June of 2005.

That's right. What was I thinking? Other people's kids for 50 minutes at a time, 5 days a own spawn 24/7, all summer. EEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Don't you like how those little ones adore big kids? When #1 son was a toddler, HH's boys were 15 and 13. He LOVED them. He would torture them, and they couldn't do anything back. His favorite game was called "And now...ladies and gentlemen..." They would kneel down while he stood behind them and said this. Then he would hit them on the head really hard and run off. #1 loved it. Them, not so much.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said... this house with four brats under age of 9yrs..silence means trouble for sure. If the baby is silent it means she has gotten into the boys' bionicles..or their hidden easter eggs...or she has discovered some bug that she is torturing to death. Just today she had a millipede in her bedroom...its a small black wormy type of thing with heaps of little black legs. It had stopped moving and she ran out to me saying, "mum, come quick, somethings wrong" I went to her room and it was there, lifeless..she tried to give it a n easter egg for easter she said.
OH well, Cheers Cazzie!!!

12:16 AM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

I just checked we have 21 days left too! Then my house will be a complete wreck because they manage to totally screw it up being home an hour earlier than me every day, I can only imagine them being there all day every day!!!! $150 for coolant and charge really isn't all that bad if that makes you feel any better.....

8:48 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

The quiet usually means the big one is threatening the little one to keep quiet, because if he tells, he is REALLY going to get it!

I wish your daughter could have given an Easter egg to my millipede last fall. It was in my basement, about 12 inches long. EEEEE! My husband picked it up with his bare hands. I was impressed. And relieved.

I feel your pain. They sure can wreck a house. Even when I'm with them. HH called to complain about the coolant, because he says if it took that much, it will lose it again if the guy didn't fix it. They are negotiating. Guess we won't get Cardinals tickets this year.

8:41 PM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

Thats true if it needed that much there is a leak, unless it's been at least 3 years since your last fill up. They can leak 1 lb a year and it be an undetectable leak. Can you guess what Mr. Coach did before he taught! That's right, he made $18.00/hour instead of $3.00!!!!

8:12 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Maybe the Mr. can pick up some extra work in the summer, so he won't mess up the house while you're away.

8:58 PM  

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