Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

I have come to expect certain behaviors from my DoNots, but
sometimes even they surprise me.

Today, for instance, I was helping Mum with math. By 'helping',
I really do mean helping. He is not one to ask for help and then
stare around the room while I work it out. He actually works
through it with me, but takes a few tries to get it independently.
Out of the blue, he said, "I think Mr. K is a fag."

Stop that! That's how rumors get started. You have no right to
say that, and you can't say 'fag'. It's a hate word.
What did he say?
He said Mr. K is a fag.
That's stupid.
No way.
You're all right. Why would you even say such a thing, Mum?
Because in his wallet, he has a picture of a cat instead of his wife.

Now this is quite odd, because I doubt Mr. K ever opened his
wallet in front of Mum. And weeks ago, the DoNots were all
talking about how Mr. K had such a 'hot wife'. They couldn't
believe a 'nerd' could get such a woman. I advised them all to
become nerds, so they would have some hope. Because none
of them have girlfriends.

At lunch, when Mr. K asked me if I'd cured Mum of his Mumness
yet, I informed him of his new sexual orientation.

I know. It's all because of the cat.
I don't have a picture of a cat in my wallet! He's never even seen
my wallet! What's he talking about?
Do we EVER know?
I've already had his class today. I wish I'd known that then. I'm
going to throw my wallet on his desk and say, "There. Look
through every picture. Do you see any cats?
He'll just say you took it out because I told you.
I'm going to call him on it. He can't be saying things like that. The
little c*cks*cker!
No. That would be you.

Ahhh...good times.
And while we're on this subject, the very next class had the
opposite reaction to the 'fag' issue. A 10th grade guy was going
to the prom with this girl. He'd already paid about $150 for his
tux and stuff. Then the girl told him she was taking somebody
else. And to hear him tell it, she was sneaky about it. She had
already turned in the new date on the list to be checked out to
see if he could attend. Then after that deadline had passed, she
told 10thGradeGuy she was no longer going with him. So he
was out quite a bit of money.

Then he devised a plan where a senior girl, who was taking a
senior boy, could still buy a ticket for a date, since her date
qualified to buy his own, being a senior and all. 10thGradeGuy
had it all worked out. He said, "The only thing is, they will write
me on the list as going with SrGirly, and I'm sure not going with
her. Then SeniorGuy, one of my DoNots in the same class as
10thGradeGuy, said:

Hey. I have an extra ticket, because I'm not taking anyone.
You can pay me for my ticket, and Girly won't have to buy
one. That way I can get rid of mine, too.
Yeah. That'll work. Can I go talk to Prom Sponsor?
Sure. She should be able to approve that.
I'm not going to the prom with SrGirly...I'm going with SeniorGuy!

Then he thought of how that sounded. The whole class cracked
up. When the two guys went to get the plan OKed, another
guy, 10thAlso, said:

When SeniorGuy gets back, I'm going to ask him if he'll come
back next year and go to prom with ME!
Haha! Do it!
I don't know if I can keep a straight face.
If you can't, I'll ask him for you.

About 5 minutes after they returned, 10thAlso leaned over
and said earnestly,
SeniorGuy, will you go to my prom with ME next year?
I'll be glad to.

This was funny, because these guys were not poking fun or
sashaying about the room. They were just joking about the
situation, no malice intended. They were not insecure in their
identities, did not have to ridicule, did not say 'fag'. Which is
a sign of progress, maybe, in our homophobic redneck culture.

Maybe I should warn them not to put a picture of a cat in their


Blogger Chickadee said...

LMAO...OMG, Mr. K's reaction to Mum's comment and then your ensuing reply to Mr. K had me laughing outloud. Priceless.


9:42 PM  
Blogger Mr Bates said...

I have 2 cats at home, a cat Calendar on my wall at the office, and I live with my brother. Correction - he lives in MY house! My neighbors think I'm gay and that he's my lover. I don't know if they know he's my brother, but if so, that would make it double-icky for them. However, I give them every opportunity to see my uber-sexy-hot girlfriend as I smooch her goodbye after a "sleepover" and they STILL think I'm gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

Or having a cat picture in your wallet!

7:57 AM  
Blogger Kieran said...

Everything I've read makes me realise I have to keep coming back to read more.

Now I'm off to check my wallets for pictures of cats.

8:01 AM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

Ahhh Prom....I went 5 times in high school (long story) and am going again 11 years later....something very wrong with this. May need therapy!!!

8:05 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
I never got invite to any school Prom's in my day. A sad story I know, but you just need to excuse the minor issue that we don't have them here in Australia. But the fact remains, I never got an invite.

6:25 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

I think I'm a real comedian. Mr. K, not so much.

BROTHERLOVER! Haha! You don't have a chance if you're also neat & clean & thin!

Yes, come back. You never know what group my students will insult next. Or when some woman in Save-A-Lot will tell me I'm OH SO PRETTY.

You must try to curb this prom fetish. No good can come of it. Do you have to get a new dress for every prom?

Yes...well...I've never been invited to inherit the throne of England. Let's have ourselves a big ol' pity party for our missed opportunities.

10:17 PM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

UMMMM YEAH! New dress each time, did ya really think I could wear the same dress 11 years later? Someone may recognize it....oh and it doesn't fit. At all, not even close, can take it out of the closet now but won't just in case I should develop some nasty disease and lose 50 pounds in time for next years prom!

8:24 AM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

I went to prom with a gay guy once. 'Cept I didn't know he was gay at the time. The sequined tie and cumberbund should've given it away....

3:31 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

You don't need a prom dress. You need a prom uniform. It would be more economical, and would allow people to see that you are a professional prom attendee.

OK, who didn't pay the gaydar bill that month? How could you miss the keen fashion sense connection?

9:59 PM  

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