Monday, May 01, 2006

I've Lost My Power in This World...

That's a line from a Lindsey Buckingham song, from his solo
Go Insane CD, without the rest of Fleetwood Mac. Duh. I
suppose that's what is meant by 'solo'.

Last night, my friend Bean emailed me my horoscope for today.
It said something about me being moody (heh, heh, like that
doesn't happen every day--beware, my cyberhousemates in
the BB2 house), and that I shouldn't think I'm in control, because
I actually have NO control. Just what I wanted to hear for a day
when I had both lunch duty and bus duty. Hope the students
didn't read my horoscope.

The morning was fairly uneventful, even with Mum announcing
that SpongeBob is a 'gay' show. I asked why he had such a
fascination with that word, and he stopped. Then he told me he
got two days ISS last year instead of one, due to discrimination
because he's Black. Um. He's not Black.

So far, so good. I sat down to lunch, ready to sling some helpful
feline info Mr. K's way, but he didn't need it today. They were
discussing how Mr. S broke a tooth on a school french fry, and
needed to see an oral surgeon. Good times.

Then, out of the blue, here came one of my DoNots, the girl who
has an 'Aunt Coon'. She zeroed in on me like a blow-fly on a
horse turd. Like Diva on free cheese. Like Mr. K on a cat photo.
Like my Hillbilly Husband on a free hot tub.

Something funny is going on in the bathroom.
Is it a fight?
What's funny about it?
A girl is sitting on the floor.
Is she sick?
I don't know. The lady said to get someone.
What lady?
I don't know. I'm not in her class.
Oh, she's a teacher?
I guess so.

I went into the girls' bathroom. There was a girl washing her hands,
and Ms. L motioning to me.

Come in here.
Look at that.

In one of the handicapped stalls, a girl was on her knees, like
when you hug the toilet to vomit. Not that I have ever done that.

Is she sick?
I don't know.
Do you want me to get the nurse?
No. Look.
Are there TWO girls in there?

I couldn't tell. I didn't get that close. Ms. S came in, walked to
that stall, and rapped on the door.

What is going on in there?
no answer
Open the door, please.
no response
Are you putting make-up on her?

I left. The nurse and social worker came in as I went out. The
principal was pacing in the hall. "I don't know any more now
than I did when I went in," I told him.

Lunch went on. No time for cats today. About 10 minutes later,
the nurse and social worker went into the nurse's office. The girl
who had been sitting on the toilet followed them, and they closed
the door. I didn't see the other girl. The principal returned to the
lunch table, shaking his head.

One was having an anxiety attack, and the other was comforting
That's what I always do when I'm having an anxiety attack: sit on
the toilet.
That's what they said.
And when I'm comforting a friend having an anxiety attack, I
kneel on the floor between her legs.
I don't know... that's what they told me.
That's their story and they're stickin' to it, huh?

Don't you think if it was a panic attack, they would have gotten
an adult? Or at least opened the door when an adult showed up
to help? Or answered, "She's having a panic attack" instead of
saying 'maaayyybeee' they were putting make-up on each other?
Alls I'm sayin' is...something's fishy here!

At my other building, I was paged two minutes before the bell
to speak to the principal after school.

Uhh...I have bus duty.
Oh. Well, he'll come talk to you on bus duty.

Seems I am having a working day off tomorrow. Several of
us involved in a new Double Dose program are going to a
neighboring school to observe their program. Which is fine,
except I've left no plans for either building. Perhaps I can
drop some off in the morning.

How dare I think I was in control today.

And what's up with the two girls in a bathroom stall, DeadpanAnn?
Is it Two Girls in a Bathroom Stall season in the midwest?


Blogger Bluejinx said...

Are you sure they were students and not Carolina Panthers cheerleaders?? Since they didn't come out swinging, they must be students.
Love your blog.


11:42 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
You will have to think of your Australian readers when you write the word mum. I thought your Hillbilly Momma was complaining about Spongebob being gay.
Speaking of which, maybe the two girls in the stalls were just watcing an episode of that show.
Enjoy your "day off" tomorrow. I went into work today, only to find out I had been double booked, so I had to go home. I still get paid for the whole day, but the trhee minutes I was there for were hell.

12:53 AM  
Blogger Alexandrialeigh said...

Just so you know, I got a Diet Cherry Limeade at Sonic today and thought of you.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...


Yeah...."comforting" her. Suuuuuuure. Is that what they're calling it these days?

Not that there's anything wrong with that - WHEN YOU'RE AN ADULT AND NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ACTUALLY IN THE HIGH SCHOOL!!

4:51 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Ha! I'd forgotten about those cheerleaders. We discussed them at the lunch table.

Y'all will just have to learn to read American when you drop in at the Mansion. We call him Mum because he mumbles.

Yeah. I'm really sorry for your three minutes of work. That bites.

Just so you know. I waited in the drive-thru line for 15 minutes for my Sonic Cherry Diet Coke. I did not think of you. Next time, I will. I will be wondering if you have a fake Sonic lovaaahhhh like I did last summer. If you're getting the unauthorized discounts of 35 cents. If he rubs his finger on your palm when he gives you change. If he gives you a Route 44 for the price of a large. If your Sonic man-boy thinks you are OH SO PRETTY. If I should be jealous.

I like that last part--IN THE HIGH SCHOOL! Never a dull moment. Today my substitute didn't show up. Which means my teaching buddies got stuck with my kids. I was so depressed, I wanted to go sit on a toilet and have somebody comfort me. But I think in Missouri, there may be laws about that sort of thing.

7:09 PM  
Blogger Jan said...

I live in loverly TN and none of the schools in my county(including elementary) have doors on the bathroom stalls. To try and discourage the chilluns from *comforting* each other... Doesn't really help - now they have an audience.

8:38 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Great Googley Moogley! That's barbaric! Perhaps my idol, The Divine Ms Dolly, can kick in some free bathroom stall doors to go along with the young 'uns' free books.

I am so out of the loop...I always thought the doorless thing was to keep them from smoking! I guess it's to keep them from smoking after they're done *comforting* each other.

9:08 AM  

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