All right, Redneck Diva. You can quit
yer harpin'. Here I am in all my glory.
Who's sorry now, huh? I will visit you
in your nightmares. No meek Hillbilly
Mom directing the band. Nope. This
is why I don't drink, kids.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
From what I remember, that is. A
friend of mine happened upon these
free posters that a bar was giving
away as a promotion. The posters
were shaped like beer labels. The
Rocky Mountain Spring Water one
caught my eye.
I was in the market for a Halloween
costume, and my little hillbilly brain
put two and two together and got:
"Go as a can of Coors Light!" Of course, the can was not big
enough to cover Hillbilly Mom's naughty bits, so she improvised
with the classic gray sweatpant ensemble.
No self-respecting beer can is complete without its pop-top,
so I devised a pull-tab from an upside down visor and some
Reynolds Wrap. Oh, and notice the stylish bat glued to my
pop-top. It WAS Halloween, people. I had to accessorize.
As you can see, Hillbilly Mom has a good time wherever she
goes. Be it under a Christmas tree wearing her Lovely Green
Jeannie shirt, or in a basement apartment dressed as a can of
beer. This was in an era before People Pissed Me Off.
You notice that I am not actually drinking Coors Light. The
identity of my beverage shall remain a secret. Though enough
clues have been posted in the distant past that a loyal, detail-
oriented, stalker of Hillbilly Mom might be able to guess it.
In retrospect, it was perhaps not the best costume idea. Hey!
At least I didn't dress as Custer, with a mustache made of my
dead grandmother's hair, like someone at that party did. I
could never dress that way now. I would have to be the entire
six-pack. Age (much like HH) has not been kind to Hillbilly Mom.
So, Diva, did it meet your expectations? Are you still cackling
about it? Oops! DOGGONE! I forgot you don't like chickens.