Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Promises Made

All right, Redneck Diva. You can quit
yer harpin'. Here I am in all my glory.
Who's sorry now, huh? I will visit you
in your nightmares. No meek Hillbilly
Mom directing the band. Nope. This
is why I don't drink, kids.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.
From what I remember, that is. A
friend of mine happened upon these
free posters that a bar was giving
away as a promotion. The posters
were shaped like beer labels. The
Rocky Mountain Spring Water one
caught my eye.

I was in the market for a Halloween
costume, and my little hillbilly brain
put two and two together and got:

"Go as a can of Coors Light!" Of course, the can was not big
enough to cover Hillbilly Mom's naughty bits, so she improvised
with the classic gray sweatpant ensemble.

No self-respecting beer can is complete without its pop-top,
so I devised a pull-tab from an upside down visor and some
Reynolds Wrap. Oh, and notice the stylish bat glued to my
pop-top. It WAS Halloween, people. I had to accessorize.

As you can see, Hillbilly Mom has a good time wherever she
goes. Be it under a Christmas tree wearing her Lovely Green
Jeannie shirt, or in a basement apartment dressed as a can of
beer. This was in an era before People Pissed Me Off.

You notice that I am not actually drinking Coors Light. The
identity of my beverage shall remain a secret. Though enough
clues have been posted in the distant past that a loyal, detail-
oriented, stalker of Hillbilly Mom might be able to guess it.

In retrospect, it was perhaps not the best costume idea. Hey!
At least I didn't dress as Custer, with a mustache made of my
dead grandmother's hair, like someone at that party did. I
could never dress that way now. I would have to be the entire
six-pack. Age (much like HH) has not been kind to Hillbilly Mom.

So, Diva, did it meet your expectations? Are you still cackling
about it? Oops! DOGGONE! I forgot you don't like chickens.


Blogger deadpanann said...

Old Milwaukee. Fresh from the can.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
Nope. You ain't stalker enough to name my can. Heh heh. Hum that to the tune of Loretta Lynn's 'You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man'. Do it now. Remember, I am all-powerful.

Hmm...perhaps I've had a dalliance with a beverage with ONE of those words in it. You prove you've been reading, but not stalking. This is a tough one. I think it was only mentioned briefly, long ago. Or WAS it? Sorry, you don't win the prize I'm not giving.

7:29 PM  
Blogger LanternLight said...

No self-respecting beer can is complete without its pop-top, so I devised a pull-tab from an upside down visor and some Reynolds Wrap.

Gee, I can see why you prefer the Royal Crown these days.

9:16 PM  
Blogger deadpanann said...

Milwaukee's Best? (Is that a brand??)

My internet connection is not fast enough to stalk anyone...YET. Tim has a nifty connection, so I will be stalking again in no time! (Especially if I get fired and have nothing to do during the day.)

10:14 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

If I were able to get down into the floor I would be laughing as I rolled on it right now. As it is, I'm just sitting here in my computer chair, swatting at flying ants and LMAO.

Ohhhhh Hillbilly Mom...that is one happ'nin' costume! And the smile on your face is just too cute! You were genuinely happy to be a beer, weren't you?

I will have, have, HAVE to show this to Mr. Diva! He loves a big, tall, grinning Coors Light.

THANK YOU for making my day! Now...I'm off to swat at more flying ants which seem to have taken over my office. Rassin' frassin' flyin' insects...

10:16 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

OH, the many meanings of which you speak.

Hmm...we all know I am royalty here in Hillmomba, so I've traded my pop-top for my lovely pink flamingo crown.

I prefer to drink Royal Crown cola to discourage more photos such as this.

Perhaps I drink the more regal Crown Royal instead of Coors Light.

Miss Ann,
Well now. Somebody has a good memory. Although that's not what I'm drinking in the photo, I am quite familiar with the Milwaukee's Best Light brand.

So, if you're quitting, can they still fire you?

Yes, we do lay IN the floor around these parts. Swat the flying ants, not so much.

Now it is your turn to hum a song, Dear Diva. "I enjoy being a beer."

11:45 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
Thanks for providing me with more Photoshop fodder. I will be nice this time though, promise!

12:07 AM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Is the drink a Shandy?? Or a Shandee??How's it spelt? I dunno
anyhow, I'm off to make a shark outfit for young Nick..he has to be a sea creature next week in a school parade, "Creatures of The Deep". LOL
Cheers Cazzie!!!

12:09 AM  
Blogger LanternLight said...

Well in Australia you can buy Crown Lager, which is a nice drop. I wouldn't call it the champagne of beers though.

the can was not big enough to cover Hillbilly Mom's naughty bits

Well I don't know, you could have hiked the can up. That would have made it more of a bottom beer though :-)

Come to think of it, that would make you a lager beer.

6:05 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Be gentle. I haven't quite forgiven you for my Las Vegas wedding photo.

I don't think that's what the drink is. Cause I don't know what that is.

You are so nice, trying to help me solve the problem of my naughty bits. And recommending alcoholic beverages to one who doesn't drink. Anymore.

OK, HERE'S THE ANSWER TO WHAT IS IN MY HAND IN THE PHOTO. It is a plastic champagne glass stolen from a bar. Because sometimes, you just gotta have fine beverage containers to impress your friends. In it, is part of the FIRST bottle of Asti Spumante that I may or may not have consumed that night. I believe it was on sale, 2 for 1, at the local Brown Derby liquor store. And I think the label warned: 'Drinking two or more bottles in one night is not recommended, and may give you the worst headache of your life.'

5:16 PM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Shandy is beer mixed with lemonade

5:43 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Thanks for clearing up that mystery for me. However, now I must rant:

What is wrong with you people! Lemonade is lemonade, and beer is beer. Great Googley Moogley! If you can't take it like a man and drink it straight, chose another drink! Who came up with this concoction? Let's blame Olivia Newton-John. Lantern would go along with that, I'm sure.

I don't think beer should be mixed with anything. A buddy of mine used to mix lemonade with Canadian Mist. He wasn't quite right in the head. He also drank Moosehead Beer. It must have been a Canadian fetish or something.

6:29 PM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

LOL....it used to be a ladies drink back in the 60's or 70's I think, my mum used to drink it..aswell as "Blackberry Nip" with lemonade.
I like me Johnny Walker now though, but I havent had a drink in a long time. :)
Oh yeah, Olivia would drink such a thing as a shandy for sure, :)

6:52 PM  

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