Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Big Blogger 2 - Task 8 - I Know What You Did Last Blog

Our assignment this week was to stalk another Cyberhousemate.
Big Blogger says:

"This week, we are back to a task from last year, and this was a
good one:


What the Cyberhousemates have to do is stalk (in a fun way)
someone through their blog. We have been watching you, and we
know what you are up to. So pick someone who is in, or has been
in the Cyberhouse, and let us all know what they have been up to."

I have chosen the OH SO STALKABLE Redneck Diva.
The buzz is that her utility room is not very hospitable. And word
on the street is that she's just a big 'ol chicken where fowl are
concerned. Yep. She's not a-crowin' about her fine feathered
friends. She runs with a crowd that full of turkeys. Van turkeys.
And people who throw perfectly good cheesecake out the window
of a moving car. Need I say more?

Oh, but I will. She has been known to enter a casino or two.
Every Monday night. She makes regular pilgrimages to the
Redneck Mecca: Branson, MO. She needn't worry. I keep
a good eye on the place while she's away. That spirit lady who
walks through her house helps me rearrange her cupboards so
the canned goods are not alphabetized. Oh, we always put
them back before she gets home. But we want her to think
something is just not quite like she left it.

Sometimes it's kind of hard to stalk her. She keeps a large
snake in the window so that I can't peep in. And she's using
some kind of Glade Plug-In to repel me. I can't quite put my
finger on it (thank the Gummi Mary!), but I believe it may be
Deceased Meadow Mouse scent.

I have an inkling that she's starting a new work-at-home project.
After unplugging that mouse aroma, I got wind that the state of
Oklahoma might be initiating some legislation to stop home
daycare providers from duct-taping their rugrats to the floor
after dosing them with phenergan. Bummer!

Because I'm all up in her bidness, I have seen future customers
searching for some odd information over at her place. I'm not
sure what kind of business venture this is going to be, but let
me share with you what the pervs are seeking.

Perhaps our dear Diva is going to write an advice column, because
many people write in to tell her things:

i plucked my eyebrows
i found little green bugs in my bathroom
i am fat i am getting fat i am now fat i am chubby
my husband is cracky
you be the bread and i'll be the cheese showing how we care.com
buttmunch remember when people used to say
sports night guns are redneck the world is not really like that
do brown recluses come out in the summer
what is the bug that surfaces every 17 years and sings annoyingly

Perhaps she is inventing a new air freshener, because many of
them seem to be suggesting a particular scent.

dead mouse in the wall
fungus on my neck
yummie and big boobs of mrs. sammie sparks
jello shots mascar parking lot woman camper
smelling panties
uncle buck's crappie pole
dead mouse in washer
fishy crotch

I hope she chooses that new fragrance soon. She should have
plenty of time for this new business venture. Apparently, her
blog well is running dry. Why, just the other day, she cooked
up "Abby and the Amazing Technicolor Childfoot". Poor little
gal. Abby, not Diva. Great Googley Moogley, that woman will
leave no board unsplintered to fabricate a good picture to post.

Here's to you, Diva. The next time you hear Sting sing "I'll be
watching you...", think of me. Every breath you take.

Big Blogger 2 Cyberhousemates


Blogger Redneck Diva said...

Must. stop. laughing. now. Abby and the Amazing Technicolor Childfoot made me poot a little when I laughed out loud. Yes, I just admitted that I passed gas to your blog. How's that make ya feel?

You've been busy! And I find it utterly amusing that all this time we've been stalking each other. Post to follow forthwith. Actually if forthwith means "tonight" then it won't be forthwith. But tomorrow probably.

Regardless, be afraid. Be very afraid. Or at least pretend to be.

7:26 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Cease with the pooting already. Now I will have the pervs googling me.

I AM very afraid. Next thing, you'll want me to be the bread, and you'll be the cheese, showing how we care. Dot com.

And your husband is cracky.

I thought about linking all your stories, but after about 20 minutes, the feeling went away. I would rather spend my time digging rocks out of the creek.

11:23 PM  

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