Saturday, June 24, 2006

Hillbilly Mom To The Rescue

I just returned from a 2-hour rescue mission to pick up my Hillbilly
Husband and #1 son. It's not like they were abandoned at the top
of Mount Everest without oxygen or a tent. Their car overheated
returning from HH's family reunion. The reunion where he bragged
last year: "That's my boy. He has an IQ of almost 100!" Which I'm
sure impressed some of those people who know what HH is like.
But to me, it's kind of like bragging that you have a 1980 Mercedes
in a pukey yellow color that cost you $3000. Which is precisely
the car that overheated.

That little gem is now abandoned in my Hillbilly Mama's driveway,
awaiting HH's tender loving care tomorrow. He plans to rip out
its radiator and take it to have it repaired. He's handy like that.

There is no other news to report from the Mansion, except that
HH took the pool water to be tested to see what he should have
been adding to it for oh...I don't know...THE PAST 4 WEEKS.
The pool people gave him instructions, and mentioned that our
well water has copper in it. HH told the #1 son that we should
start digging for copper on our land. The boy informed me of
this scam during the rescue, in which we followed HH while he
sped up, slowed down, and stopped to add water to the radiator
so we could yell, "There's more running out the bottom than you
put in!" We sure know how to have a good time.

After dropping off the hideous, smoke-breathing beast (the car,
not HH), I inquired about the copper mine. "Isn't that the kind
of open-pit mining where the crater is about a mile deep, and
you have to grind up all the rock you take out of the crater just
to get a little copper?" To which HH replied, "Yeah. That big
one out in Arizona is only recovering .06 percent copper now."
Like he had those freakin' statistics inside his head. He does
that all the time when I can't check his facts. Like last year when
he was on the east coast on business, and told me he was two
houses down from 'that famous author, Betty, who just died'.
And it turned out to be Katherine Hepburn.

When I nixed the idea of opening up a copper mine in our yard,
he moved on to his next proposal, which is selling rocks off the
land. They are giant rocks that some people actually want in
their yards for landscaping. Go figure. HH thinks the going rate
is $10 a ton. I don't think that's worth tearing up a mile of gravel
road to get the truck and dozer in and out. So far, I am winning.

HH also informed me this morning that those annoying poopies
we have adopted belong to our neighbor. They have a black Lab.
The poopies appear to be German Shepherds. Their baby pictures
confirmed it for me, as well as the vet saying they had Shepherd
in them. I asked HH how the neighbor's male Lab could have
those puppies and the neighbor not even come looking for them
when they disappeared. He replied that their dog is black and
when ours stood next to him last night at the end of the driveway,
(meaning when they chased him off in a yapping frenzy, because
they are OH SO TERRITORIAL, our poopies) they looked just
alike. I'm assuming he meant because our poopies are also black.
Even though their coarse black fur is getting that tan undercoat
that is found in German Shepherds. And their ears are starting to
stand up, all pointy-like, instead of flopping over like a Lab. Then
I asked who the mother would be, and HH said, "That stray that
was always up on our porch." Which was a small yellow spaniel-
looking thing, and not a bit like our poopies. But that's the puzzle
HH put together.

I wish HH had an IQ of almost 100.

I wonder how much copper is in his body...

5 Comments:

Blogger LanternLight said...

Most drinking water has copper in it, and it's good for you BY JINGO :-)

In times past, household water pipes were copper.

2:14 AM  
Blogger Comic Mummy said...

Must be something in the air (or water?) Our car overheated last night too - while I'd like to think it was just a result of having such hot stuff in the car (hehe....) no, turns out it's just the radiator. :-(

6:29 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Lantern,
Some of our fittings are copper. That's the first thing I asked HH, if the pipes were copper. He thinks he's found treasure, so there's no reasoning with him until his next big discovery.

ComicMum,
Yep. The ol' busted radiator trick. You MUST be hot stuff, because isn't it winter over there? And you STILL overheated? Hope you don't plan on driving while your over here on your comedy thingy.

7:20 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

I still hold to my theory that I'd be in MENSA if I hadn't played on the lead-laden chat piles as a kid. And I will hold to that till my dyin' day. Because if I can't be OH SO SMART I can be OH SO IN DENIAL. If HH is really Mr. Diva then maybe the lead from the chatpiles is the cause of that high IQ.

Aren't husbands great?

6:27 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Diva,
Who knew? Lead is actually good for kids! We could publish a paper on it if only we had received the proper amount of lead as children.

6:59 PM  

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