Monday, July 10, 2006

Big Blogger 2 - Task 11 - Position, Position, Position

Or as we say here in the States: Location, Location, Location.
Because 'Position, Position, Position' sounds a bit like the filming
of a How-To Pr0n movie.

Big Blogger (vote, vote, vote some more for me!) has informed us:

This task is all about Position, Position, Position. It is time for you
Sell, Sell, Sell. The Big Blogger House is Going, Going, oh
this, excuse me while I turn off the echo HTML.

Yes this task is all about real estate, namely the Cyberhouse. You
see, next year the Cyberhouse is moving to a new place. I won't be
giving away details yet; all it means is we have to sell this dump.

So Cyberhousemates, you have to come up with an advertisement
to sell the Big Blogger House. Point out all the good features, and
maybe some of the history of the house. Oh, and one more thing,
your real estate business needs to have a snappy name. I like
snappy names.

The best entry gets to put up their "For Sale" sign in the front yard.

FOR SALE: 4 Room House With Finished Basement

3000 square feet. Kitchen, Living Room, Bedroom, Bathroom.
Don't go thinking this house doesn't have room for you! 10 people
called it home, and not one fight broke out due to overcrowding.

This charmer is a must-sell. With the Circus next door, and a
Tiki Lounge in the back yard, you'll never lack for entertainment.
The kitchen is state-of-the-art, and comes with a built-in Cabana
Boy, Carlos. The kitchen cleans itself, and Carlos does, too. But
he is perfectly willing to let you bathe him if that is what you prefer.

The bathroom is also space-age, with fragrance and never-ending
toilet paper to complement the heated toilet seat. You'll never
want to leave your throne. With unlimited reading material, you
can even earn a law degree while you sh*t. A perfect set-up for
those who are full of it.

The living room is quite an entertainment center. Comfy leather
recliners, big-screen TV, cutting-edge stereo equipment go with
the house. It is rumored that the recliners have those refrigerated
storage sections where you can hoard you Coors Light.

The bedroom is a bit of a throwback to simpler times. Cozy, dark,
and warm, this must-have slumber cavern is complete with its own
Hellmouth. Use it for light, for warmth, for taking out the garbage
(human kind included). You can't go wrong with this one-of-a-kind

The basement is a fully-furnished rec room, sporting a stage for
any bands who may drop in unannounced. Or make your own
kind of music, play your own kind of song, march to the beat of
your very own drummer. Karaoke is also ready and waiting for
those car-singers among us. Rack some balls, do the hustle, play
a little pool on the competition-quality pool table.

The back yard contains the extra bonus Tiki Lounge. Swim in
the pool, soak in the volcano hot tub, shake your booty to the
island drum muzak, or order up some hooch from the Tiki Bar.
There's something for everyone in the backyard Tiki Lounge.

Once you see this house, you'll never leave. I mean that literally.
It's like the Hotel California. Like a Roach Motel. Once guests
check in, they never check out. Oh, you may think they've gone,
but they always turn up again.

Act fast, folks. This one won't stay on the market for long.

This house is ideal for the budding filmmaker who would like
to start a dynasty. Forget Hollywood. Forget Bollywood. Make
your very own Aussiewood with this unique property. Consider
the possibilities! If MTV is not looking for a Real World house,
or doesn't need it for the Real World/Road Rules Challenge,
you can make movies galore here. Think of all the old TV series
being made into movies. And movies being made into movies.

The kitchen could be your own Kitchen Stadium for Iron Chef.
It could start your own food network channel for you. Then
there's the reality show angle, with Who Wants to Win Carlos
For the Night?

The living room can be a set for any romantic comedy with
Sandra Bullock. That gives you about 204 movies to make
right there.

The bedroom can be used for Flintstone movies, or a remake
of One Million Years BC, with Jessica Simpson in the Raquel
Welch role. Its Hellmouth can also be used for disposing of
those OH SO ANNOYING actors who need to go away for
a while. Except you might want to insure them with Lloyds of
London first, because odds are, they won't be coming back.

The bathroom can be a Jetsons set, or adapted for science fiction
movies, or any futuristic drivel the writers crank out.

The basement rec room is for nostalgia, such as Happy Days,
or American Graffiti, or music videos.

The backyard Tiki Lounge? Brady Bunch. Need I say more?
Isn't it time for the Bradys to go back to Hawaii? And there have
only been two Brady Bunch movies. The world is crying for more.

You can't go wrong with this one, folks. The Vargas paintings
and Dogs Playing Poker go with the house. The large bus
parked out front doesn't. But it might be available for a remake
of The Partridge Family.

Loosen up those bottomless pockets, and come to us for all
your real estate needs. We won't steer you wrong.

We'll do ya OH SO RIGHT. Complimentary moonshine
with every sale. And we'll even throw in a corncob pipe for
the young 'uns!


Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Oh shoit, and I forgot about the cabana boy in my could I? Oh well, I think I did give him over to you anyhow HBM....but, was he not good enough? Why are you selling him with the house? :)

6:42 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Since I had 3 Hot Cabana Boys of my own, I didn't see the need to be greedy. I thought Carlos would improve my property value, which meant I could get a better price on the Cyberhouse, and use the profit to support my Hot Cabana Boys in style.

7:29 PM  

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