Monday, November 28, 2005

3 Things I Didn't Need to Hear Today

"I didn't shoot 30 little balls of gum in his hair! It was SPITWADS!
How did you know, anyway?"

Well, it's like this. The duty teacher saw it in the kid's hair in the
lunch line. You admitted to the duty teacher that you did it. The
duty teacher sat down at the teachers' lunch table and told the
principal. What? You think I'm psychic?

And while we're at it...the distinction of spitwads over gum balls
does not strengthen your case. That's like telling the detective:
"I didn't stab him in the heart! Gah! I stabbed him in the GUT!"


"That green poop stain isn't MINE! It's that lady that helps that
kid. It was already there when I went in. Don't think it's mine."

OK. Well. Obsess much? Have toileting issues? It's a toilet, for
cryin' out loud! That's what they are made for. We know this
thing won't even flush paper until 3 tries. So much for the water-
saving toilet. What's that woman supposed to do, bring her own
toilet brush to clean up after herself? Reach her bare hand down
in there to scrub it? Get over it. It's a freakin' TOILET!


4:08 P.M. Message on answering machine: "This message is for
Hillbilly Mom. The jury case for Tuesday, November 29, has
been cancelled."

Thanks. I have been calling your recording all day. When I last
checked at 12:10 P.M., the case was still on. When the secretary
asked me at 9:30 A.M. if I still needed a sub for Tuesday, I told her
yes. More importantly, I wrote up detailed lesson plans for the sub.
Darn you, circuit court, for taking your sweet time to settle this
case! Some of us have jobs, you know. We are not just retirees
and Hannibal Lecter wanna-bees. And I will call all day Thursday,
too, since I seem to be a jury duty magnet, and got two cases in
one week.


Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
I agree with you regarding spitballs, very gross.
I agree with you regarding the jury duty. Kill them all, that will give the a case worth doing.
But I will not agree with you regardnig the toilet. That is disgusting that someone would leave a mess there for others. No way could I ever use that toilet if I had seen a mess in there.

2:58 AM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

I must agree with the Crown Snatcher regarding the toilet. If it's in the bowl, I could go after flushing, if it's on the lid, I'll hold it. Never done the jury duty thing, guess going by an alias really does help!

8:02 AM  
Blogger MamaKBear said...

Am I weird that I always wished I'd get picked for jury duty?? I never have...always thought it be interesting to have the experience at least once!

11:03 AM  
Blogger jules said...

Take the day off and enjoy it. Lie about Jury Duty even...paid holiday.

5:07 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Good gracious! Do you hold it for days, or do you take a toilet scrubber with you everywhere?

Thank you for reminding me about Rebecca's criminal tendencies. We will need to do something about her soon.

Eewww! Of course it was in the bowl! We are TEACHERS, not lid-poopers!

What's wrong with you, girl? Be careful what you wish for!

Jules, order to get paid my regular salary, I have to turn in my jury duty pay to the school. Kind of hard to lie about that one.

5:24 PM  
Blogger MrsCoach2U said...

Using the teacher defense doesn't mean it's a potty free lid. My husband is a teacher after-all, I've seen my bathroom at home. No poop on the lid but he has bad aim for a basketball coach!

9:37 AM  

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