Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Today we tried to solve a crime. A student in my class said she
"has issues" with some other students in the class. I know. Nothing
like that has ever happened before with my students, ha ha.

She said that when she was in her math class, she went to take off
her jacket and had gum all over the back of it. Little bitty gumballs.

Aha! Didn't I just talk to a kid yesterday about throwing gumballs?
"Why yes, Hillbilly Mom," I hear you all chorus. "I believe I read
about it right here on your blog." I'm glad y'all are so observant.
I did talk to a kid about it. He said it was only spitwads. Now
bear in mind, this did not happen in my classroom. The kid who
had the previous gumballs/spitwads infestation is not even in my
class. But my kids do chew gum. I watch them buy it every day
from the teacher who sells it as a fundraiser.

So we began the trial.

"I know one of yous done it. You always do stuff like that."
"They were kind of fidgety yesterday..."
"I didn't do it."
"What kind of gum did you chew yesterday?"
"I know he had green apple, and something else."
"I had green apple and bubble gum."
"I had green apple and some blueberry stuff."
"I had what they had."
"What kind was on your jacket?"
"It was some gray stuff, like Juicy Fruit, but that wasn't it."
"Then it didn't happen in here."
"But nobody in math was chewing gum."
"No. They were throwing it."
"I don't think so."
"Did you sit in the cafeteria before you came in here?"
"Look around your desk. Are there any on the floor?"
"Then I don't think it happened here. Oh, they are capable
all right, but the evidence doesn't match up. They are not such
super gumball throwers that ALL gumballs would stick to you
It has been my experience that you will find a circle of them
on the floor, which never reached the target. Remember, the
time I caught Mortimer, there was a circle of them around
"Yeah, and Mortimer made a big deal about picking them up."
"Yes, he didn't want to touch his own spit."
"And I haven't thrown any since then, either."
"So I don't really think it happened in here. But because there
was a question of it, then no more gum is allowed during this
hour. So don't bring it tomorrow."
"Uh, since it's just the boys having the problems, can we girls
still chew gum?"

And thus ends another Hillbilly Mom lesson, utilizing the skills of
induction and problem-solving. Your tax dollars at work, Missouri

And for all you smarty-pantses...don't think the janitor swept them
up overnight. He cleans my room right after lunch, and he makes
one big sweep around the perimeter, not through the desks where
the gumballs would have been. I know. He does it while I am sitting
in my room. If you care to continue the investigation, it is about 20
feet from the accuser to the accused. They sit in opposite corners
of the room. I really had hoped for the evidence to match up, so
we could have a little vacation from the alleged spit/baller.


Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi HIllbilly Mom,
I may have been the second gum chewer on the grassy knoll, but you will never prove it, NEVER!
[insert evil laugh]

1:35 PM  
Blogger jules said...

Oh you SO know it was YOU HM!! Quit trying to frame some "innocent" kid.

5:38 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Hmm...did the gumballs make a turn in mid-air?

I do loves me some Juicy-Fruit gum!

6:45 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
IF you look closely at the mark from the gumballs, you will see that they go back, and to the left. That's back, and to the left. Mmmm

7:32 PM  

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