Sunday, December 18, 2005

The Christmas Chex Mix

The Christmas Chex Mix has arrived. Not so much arrived
as has been hauled out of Hillbilly Mom's oven every 15 minutes
for the last two hours. It is very needy, this Chex Mix, very high-
maintenance. Now it must cool for a couple of hours before I
cram it into some Wal-Mart plastic containers to pass out at

One thing about Chex Mix: the kids clean up the pieces that
drop out of the pan while stirring. By that, I mean they pick
up the Chex that fall onto the cutting block. That still leaves
the nuts, pretzels, and Cheerios on the cutting block, and all
pieces that land on the floor. Because I guarantee you that
each time you stir it, about 5 pieces will fall to the floor. Oh,
you may think, "I'll pick that up in a minute. It's way over
there where nobody will be walking." But the very next step
you take, you will crush it to sand-sized crumbs.

Hmm...will I have enough left to give my friend Mabel? Don't
count your Chex Mix before it's packed, Mabel. Who's on my
list this year? Let's see...I have two principals, and they each
have a secretary. The superintendent counts on it every year,
which I found out one year when he said, "I thought it was
getting about time for you to bring me my Chex Mix." He has
two secretaries. We are up to 7 already. Then there's #1 son's
teacher, and #2 son's teacher, and all the teachers they've had
since they started school. (#1 insists on this. He is kind of anal-
retentive. I don't know where he gets it.) Thank goodness, #2
has the same teacher this year as last year. No, he didn't get
held back. She moved up a grade. AND, she is the same teacher
#1 had in first grade, so it's like getting one for the price of three.
Counting all those teachers, we are now up to 12. I only have
12 containers. We'll see what I can do. Lucky thing #1's second
grade teacher moved, or we would have unlucky thirteen. Looks
like somebody is going to get a Christmas baggie of Chex Mix
if Mabel gets some. At least we are no longer giving it to the
daycare lady or the piano teacher. I think I will make a second
batch tomorrow night, if I have the strength.

This has not been a good day. I took the wrong pill this morning,
which meant that I had to wait two hours after breakfast to take
the right one, and then another hour after that before I could have
any lunch. Which was no big deal, because it was going on 3:00
before I had time for lunch anyway. Man, it sucks being an old
lady. So I was only 7 hours off on this thyroid thingy. I haven't
dropped dead yet. The gosh-darn pharmacy almost gave me a
heart attack because they switched manufacturers on another pill
and instead of it being a fat white round pill, it was a tiny blue flat
pill. I took it back to them yesterday to make sure it was really
the same thing. They were polite about checking it, but when I
walked out, I imagine they were all twirling their fingers beside
their ears and mouthing "cuckoo" behind my back.

In other news yesterday, I dropped #1 son off at the bowling alley
for their league Christmas party, while #2 and I planned to do some
grocery shopping before picking him up. First stop: Save-A-Lot
(because I am a thrifty kind of gal), and as I went to put the cold
stuff in a cooler to keep during our next stop, a stench arose from
said cooler. I looked in, and saw a yellow stain in the bottom.
This, coupled with the odor, led to my deduction of "neighbor-
dog-piss," so I slammed that sucker shut and we sped home in
the large SUV before returning to our next store. The problem
is that I rinse out the cooler after we use it, and I set it on the
back porch to air out so it doesn't mildew between uses, and
the confounded hound next door marks it as his territory, and
my Hillbilly Husband says, "What's this doing propped up here?"
and slams it shut without looking, allowing the neighbor-dog-piss
to marinate until the next time I need a cooler. Which I shouldn't
have needed except that the freakin' temperature was 48 degrees
in the middle of December.

After picking up #1, we proceeded to Sonic for the daily Cherry
Diet Coke. #2 wanted corn dogs, and since he hadn't reached his
daily allotment of fried grease, I ordered them. The girl at the
window gave us our sodas and receipt, and slammed the glass
and turned her back. I drove off, remembering the corn dogs in
time to make a U-turn and drive thru again. Another girl was trying
to give them to the car in front of us. I waved my receipt, and she
brought them out. She shouldn't have bothered. When we got
home, they were burnt to a crisp, and #2 would only eat half of
one. That is seriously burnt. That boy loves him some corn dogs.
Shh...he doesn't know it's a HOT DOG in the middle. Speaking
of...even the hot dog was black and crispy. Yeah. I expect more
from my minimum-wage teenage fast-food workers.

Today wasn't so great either, what with the medication faux pas.
I was planning to go to town around noon, after coddling my
Chex Mix, but #1 was having none of that. "But it's a Myth Busters
marathon from 12:00 to 4:00! I have to see it!" My young 'un
spoiling gene wouldn't let me leave then, so I told them we'd go
earlier: at 10:00, right after The Porter Wagoner Show on RFD
channel. Oh, and let's not forget that since we returned, #1 has
been playing Evolution on his computer, and Roller Coaster
Tycoon 3, and Pokemon Colosseum on GameCube, and wrapping
some gifts, and fighting with #2, and basically doing everthing but
watching the Myth Busters marathon.

In between stirrings of the Chex Mix, I did two loads of laundry,
washed the dishes, put away some of yesterday's groceries, and
threw some garbage off the back deck. Quite the exciting life I
lead, I know. After setting out the Chex Mix to cool, I fixed a
lunch of some Wal-Mart big sandwich, Chex Mix droppings, and
little chocolate donuts. Yes, I am a health-food nut! Imagine my
horror when reaching for a little chocolate donut, my fingers dipped
into some stray mayonnaise. Yuck! Can my day get any worse?

Perhaps you can answer that for me. HH is due home in 3 hours
from Germany. In the past, he has fought with me or #1 within
30 minutes of arriving. We are going to stand #2 in front of the
door to wait for him. It is also HH's birthday. I'm going to set
out the cake and gifts. Maybe that will distract him.


Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi Hillbilly Mom,
What about my Chex Mix? Don't worry about the fact there is a quarantine on importing food stuffs into Australia, you will just have to supply me with a plane ticket to come try it.
It is nice to know, that even as you suffer through winter, you still have your Sonic. I heard the other day that drive throughs in the USA are up to ten lanes wide. Heck, you Seppo's sure like your cars.

5:50 PM  
Blogger jules said...

Good Lord woman, was that a ramblin' post or what??? Funny about the kid not knowing it's a hot dog in the middle of a corn dog. My youngest for the longest time had no idea that "O-rings" actually had onions in them! He LOVED them until he found that out!

11:34 PM  
Blogger Huggies said...

Chex Mix out of Hillbilly Mom's oven. How old are the ingredents ?

7:00 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Where are the 10-lane drive-thrus? I must know! Of course I love my car. I can't exactly jump on (or in front of) a train--I live in the middle of nowhere.

I had a student who loved pickles until I told her how my grandma picked cucumbers and dill out of her garden and made her own. She said, "Wait a minute...pickles are made from CUCUMBERS? I hate cucumbers." Now she won't eat pickles.

It's safe. It's not like the 4-year old salad dressing. If I thought it might be unsafe, I would be sending it to Rebacca
so she could act as the "taster" for the royal family of Hillmomba.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Lessa said...

ooooooooooohOOOOOOOOOOH that's some mighty fine lookin Chex Mix.. *drools* there's no quarentine to send stuff to Alaska. You know. In case ya need to know and all. Yeah. *shining grin*

2:42 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

mmmmm Chex mix.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

I am sorry to inform you that I just filled the last container, and it is spoken for. Maybe next year. I made two batches like what you see in the pick, and it's all given.

Can you smell it? Mmmm...garlicky.

10:02 PM  

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