Monday, March 06, 2006

Do-Nots Do It Again

The Do-Nots were restless today, my friends. Restless...like a
toddler left unattended in a doctor's waiting room.

Two of my Do-Nots asked to go to the library to look up sexually-
transmitted diseases, and serial killers. It was for research papers,
people, in Health and Lang. III. One Do-Not returned early.

Can I go see Mrs. Nurse?
Why? You asked to go every day last year.
My throat hurts. It has been hurting since Friday.
You survived the weekend. What can she do for a sore throat?
Cough drops.
She can't give them to you. It is considered medicine.
It hurts. It feels all rough, up into my nose.
On Friday, a chicken nugget came out his nose.
No way!
Yeah. I went up to get a soda, and I saw it on the way back.
I thought it was 3 big boogers.
My friend Franklin made me laugh, right after I ate a chicken
nugget that I stole off his tray.
Oh, the bad luck! I guess crime doesn't pay.
It burned my nose.
How did I miss that? Where were you sitting?
He was at my table, right next to the teachers' table.
Man! We must have been talking about something REALLY
good to miss that!
Well. It still hurts.
You can go see Mrs. Nurse. All you had to do was say that a
chicken nugget came out your nose.

I suppose he had to think of something to top his friend Franklin's
large bra, and his brother's bearded girlfriend.

In another class, all was well. For about 20 minutes. Two groups
worked on their Science questions. Until...I heard, "That's sick!"
I looked up to see a boy with his left foot behind his head. Yes.
His foot...behind his head. Oh, he was still sitting on his chair
working. With his foot...behind his head. I made him leave his
partner, which caused a ripple effect.

But we only have 3 left.
Good. You're almost done.

Foot Boy moved to his assigned seat right in front of my desk.
Partner slammed her book shut.

I'm done.
No, you're not. You just said you have 3 left.
I have a lot of other things to do, you know!
Then you'd better hurry and get those 3 done so you can work
on them.

Partner's Friend, sitting across the aisle, joined in. "Why don't you
tell them to be quiet. I am trying to work, and I can't concentrate.

Never mind that Partner's Friend talks and writes notes daily. And
'them' happened to include the current girlfriend of Partner's Friend's
ex-boyfriend. So...now we have to play a little game every time
Partner's Friend talks to anybody. And the game is: "You'll have to
stop that. People are trying to work!" It doesn't pay to use Hillbilly
Mom in your vendetta against the other woman.

Partner then asked to go to the bathroom, but I had to tell her, "Oh,
no. You have too much work to do." Don't mess with Hillbilly Mom,
people. She can not be bested in a match of wits with Do-Nots.

And now, a side note about the boy with his foot behind his head.
The kids said this one time...in Science class...he sat on the floor
and put both feet behind his head, and 'walked' on his butt cheeks.
Which was an image I didn't want in my head. A month's worth of
nightmares wrapped up and tied with a bow. A bow that looked
like a boy with his feet behind his head. The perfect gift for the
hillbilly who has everything. And it is non-returnable. Dear Do-Nots,
you really shouldn't have.

6 Comments:

Blogger Northend Nique said...

DEAR GOD! You are a strong, strong woman! I have no idea how you do it.

11:59 PM  
Blogger Huggies said...

That boy who can walk on his arse might be gay.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

It's kind of a running joke between Tater, Mom and I that you're not old till you can't get your ankles behind your ears.

Hmh...maybe you should try to get your ankles behind your ears and then go back and take that purity test again. Just a thought.

The chicken nugget out the nose is just dang gross. Have you read Stacie's blog lately? She talked about a kid who stuffed a sponge up his nose! BLEH!!

10:12 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Nique,
The foot behind the head almost did me in. It looked so...WRONG!

Huggies,
That is the general opinion of his fellow Do-Nots.

Diva,
WHAT! Now I need advice on how not to be pure? Just because you are OH SO NOT PURE you don't have to be parcelin' out advice to the less fortunate! And I thought my score came out that way because I was not a statutory-rapin' strap-on wearin' family-member-sexin' butt-licker! Perhaps it WAS because my ankles are too old! Who knew?

Yes, I did have the pleasure of reading about the all-powerful sponge. Poor kid!

11:08 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

ROFLMAO

"...because I was not a statutory-rapin' strap-on wearin' family-member-sexin' butt licker!"

Oh you have a way with words.

I'm sorry if my OH SO NOT PURE self offended your OH SO PRETTY self by mentioning your too-old ankles. LOL

9:59 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Diva,
I am not offended ANYMORE because I found out at school that I appear to be the least pure of them all. Oh, the pride I have developed, lording it over them all.

6:04 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home