Monday, May 29, 2006

Big Blogger 2, Task 5B, Superhero

Task B: Superhero!

Big Blogger says,
"Each Cyberhousemate has to reinvent themself into a Superhero.
Yes, it is time to wear your underpants on the outside, and prove
that capes are fashionable. Name yourself, let us know what your
super powers are, and your crime fighting motto.As we all know,
every Superhero needs a sidekick, so pick someone else from the
Cyberhouse to be your ward, and explain how they help you in
your fight against evil."

I've been debating this week about my Superhero identity. I've
been through several.

I could have been The Cherry Diet Coke-Wh*re, with a cape
made of Sonic napkins, flinging cherries at the eyes of evildoers.
I could subdue them with giant onion rings dropped over their
heads, pinning their arms to their sides. I could torture them with
straws up the nose (or elsewhere). But no.

I could have been Coors Can Girl, smiling people to death, no
special costume needed (since I already have one). But no.

I could have been Lovely Green Jeannie, making the world a
safer place by banning all criminals from wearing green shirts.
Again, no special costume would be required of me. But no.

I could have been Smirking Ornaments-in-Hair Girl, so scary
that criminals would run screaming when they saw me. But no.

I could have been Ye Olde Expired Food Purveyor, killing
criminals slowly with outdated goodies like Ranch Dressing
and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. But no.

Drumroll, please.....

My Superhero name is:

Because I'm a ravin' lunatic.

Don't mess with me. I'll swoop
down and drag you away to
my nest and read you bad
poetry until you're sorry.

Or wiiiillllll I?

Will folks mess with you if you know The RAVEN? Nevermore!
Here is a little POEm I wrote for my Superhero:

Do not mess with me, you people, I will mess you up severely.
People piss me off a lot, and I can't take it now, you see.
I will pick you up, and flapping my great wings I'll take you, crapping,
To the Hellmouth for some napping, napping for eternity.
"That will serve you right," I mutter. "Napping for eternity.
That'll learn ya. Hear my plea."

Meet my sidekick: she is Cazzie! She's a cleaner, dresses snazzy.
She will help me get you, Spazzy! We can do it. Yes we can.
We won't take no sh*t from you guys. We can see through all of your lies.
Like Cherry Diet Cokes HM buys, buys from her sweet Sonic man.
Every day she purchases those Cokes from her sweet Sonic man.
RAVEN, Cazzie, have a plan.

Cazzie sweeps them up and RAVEN pops a FittyMaid for savin'
Bad boys, mad boys 'til the Hellmouth blazes up through its trapdoor.
RAVEN empties out the Fitty. For those dudes it's kinda sh*tty.
Sure as HM's OH SO PRETTY, they are doomed we know fer shore.
Dudes are cast into the Hellmouth. We will see those dudes no more.
Mess with RAVEN? Nevermore!

Superhero: The RAVEN
Super Power: Bad Poetry, with a little help from the Hellmouth.
Sidekick: Cazzie the Cool Cleaner!
Motto: "People Piss Me Off" (Was there ever any doubt?)
Not evicted yet: Priceless.

Big Blogger 2 Learn it. Live it. Love it.


Blogger Redneck Diva said...

Even if I'm kicked out, at least the FittyMaid lives on. I've at least got that.

Awesome, Hillbilly Mom! You and Cazzie!! seem like a force to be reckoned with.

(And btw, the "portico on the west" is yes, just up from the horses a$$es. And yes, I'll tackle Dolly for you. My Uniboob has powers, even in the presence of her monstrous ones.)

11:24 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes, you've left your legacy in the Cyberhouse.

I am a bit frightened by the thought of your Uniboob meeting Dolly's Megaboobs. You might bounce clear to Springfield, and then you'd have to fight that traffic coming back. My Dolly could be knocked clear down the strip to Whitewater. You'd still probably beat her back to the Stampede, though, what with the gridlock on the strip.

9:21 PM  

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