Thursday, May 18, 2006

Search Party Sickos

Move along. Nothing to say here.

Ohhhh...if you insist. First day of summer vacation, and I am bored.
Nothing much happened today. My #1 son built a semi truck and
a gooseneck trailer out of Legos. My #2 son beat me at a game of
pool. Hey! I knocked in the 8-ball. I don't like those rules. I could
have whooped him good except for that doggone 8-ball.

For inspiration, I have turned to my keyword search list. It is a bit
disturbing. Some people just ain't right in the head. For example...

best pranks feces...that is never a good prank, ya hear me? We had
a kid at school a few years ago who played a little feces prank.
He dropped a log in the basement bathroom (yeah, the one right
next to my new classroom in Lower Basementia) and took it back
upstairs to another boy's locker. He opened a Social Studies book,
inserted his little surprise, and slammed the book shut. Eeewww.
You know, he had to carry that thing upstairs. He said, "Well, I
put it on a piece of toilet paper." Oh, of course.

puppy chow methamphetamine manufacturing...what? There's a
new ingredient? This person even spelled it right.

health benefits of refried jeans...do you eat them? Wear them?
I, too, would like to know the health benefits.

fitties camp prices...Fitty has his own camp? Who knew?

fentanyl patch feline removal cat leg...aagghhh! What have you
got planned, home surgery for Puss-Puss?

shooting the bull chewing the fat...here now! I'm sure there's
enough fat to go around. No need to be hasty.

air gun poison dart game frogs...I'm sure every kid would like to
have one. Have you tried that American Inventors show?

stump crutching with peg leg woman...I don't know about this.
Maybe you should join up with the guy looking for gaping
buttholes girls and throw a party.

cape girardeau county unattended bed and breakfast...hatching
a little robbery plan, are we?

hillbilly lying by pond...is there something you'd like to confess,
before the body is found?

southern hillbilly saying, romantic, sweet...sorry. There is no
such thing.

hillbilly boobs and balancing soda on her boob...we know where
you came from!

I'd rather set my hair on fire...than read my blog? The h*ll you say!

iron deficiency children sucking on metal...oh, so regular children
won't do?

sardine cans cartoon mice curl up in to go to bed...I sold them on
e-bay last week. Move along.

cat cry mice sing nyah nyah nyah cartoon kitten kidnapped...good
headline. I hope you find the perpetrator.

get in that kitchen and rattle them pots and pans, and look pretty...
I hate it when people tell me what to do.

at least show me as I really am, breathtaking not butt ugly...why
did you arrive here? Have you seen my Coors Light picture?

why don't satanists wear gold...I don't know, why? This is a riddle,
isn't it?

I was drunk the day my ma got out of prison...thanks for sharing.

michael ontkean harry hamlin kissing...umm, not here. Try Redneck
Diva
. I hear she has Heath and Jake kissing over there.

final jeopardy answer for april 14, 2006...I'm not that psychic and
I'm not that smart. Not to be confused with 'You're not that pretty
and you're not that special', which is what Luka told Abby on ER,
causing them to break up, and driving Abby into the arms of that
Little Lord Fauntleroy, Gamma's boy, fentanyl-shooting, Carter.

See. You should have moved along. Really.

9 Comments:

Blogger Chickadee said...

I love these posts...it's so interesting to see what people are looking for online these days and there are a LOT of weirdos out there. Aren't you glad they stopped by YOUR blog? Ugh.

http://www.danno.org/blogs

8:36 PM  
Blogger Comic Mummy said...

That's classic. My weirdest one thus far is 'coffee shots'. Not too freaky or anything, but just bizarre as I don't think I've ever written anything of the sort.

Cool blog. ;-)

8:48 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

Refried jeans? Methinks that would get a little squooshy as the day wears on.

I thought the gaping buttholes was at my blog! You got them, too? I knew we were meant to be friends.

11:04 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Chick,
I am just delighted. Though Diva has weirder weirdos than I do.

Comic,
I've seen you over at Cazzie's place. You're certainly Not The Supernanny!

Diva,
Don't get your thong in a wad. There's enough gaping buttholes for the both of us. I even got a 'going to Miami, going to the fair...' thingy. We are morphing, Dear Diva. And stop stealing my immunity! There's not enough immunity for both of us. Don't make me come over there and release more flying ants.

It's a good thing you're not my neighbor, because I have a feeling we would spend the days rolling around IN the floor drooling from laughter. Although not in a 'comforting' sort of way. You could even beat my kids until candy falls out of your kids.

12:09 AM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

I love ER..there's no place like home!!

2:16 AM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

I KNEW someone was behind the flying ants!!! I just never thought that it was you. Tsk tsk. Hillbilly Mom, Hillbilly Mom....

I'm not stealing the immunity, it's just that Big Blogger has decided to let the new girl, the late girl, the fresh meat get all kinds of comfortable. Methinks y'all are plotting together, eh? Complacency paired with a hoarde of flying ants....yeah, my a$$ is gra$$.


I've thought that many a time - that you and I would never accomplish anything because of all of the blatant kid beating till candy comes out of someone. Not to mention the fact that we are both OH SO PRETTY.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Cazzie,
You can't have my Luka! He's mine! All miiiiine, I tell you! You can have Carter if he ever comes back. I'll even throw in Jerry. But there's something about Frank that kinda grows on me, in a Romano sort of way.

Diva,
First, the immunity. Now, the OH SO PRETTINESS. I am gonna take your pirate do-rag thingy and wrap it around my Coors Light pop-top, I am! Cease the Single-White-Femaling of Hillbilly Mom!

Sorry. The stress of the Cyberhouse is building up. I have been nominated, thank you very much. The immunity was rightfully mine. I'll get that Big Blogger, and her little Mitch, too! You don't think she'll read this, do you? It's a private communication between us redneck gals. The gaping butthole gals, to some, from the looks of our searches.

6:16 PM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

Hey, I'm not territorial with the 'do rag - there's plenty to go around! Yarrr, someone has issues. :P Heck, to show what a sport I am, I'll even help you situate it on your pop-top so that the bat shows. See what a good friend I am?

And you yourself said that NO ONE is safe from Big Blogger. I'd be careful with the threats. Frankly, I'm scared and I'm immune this week! (Not that I'm OH SO BRAGGING or anything.)

1:41 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Diva,
The paranoia is building. I was knock, knock, knocking on Mark's golden door, and he had one of those Vargas women with a BAT in her hair! It's just a coincidence, isn't it? Please validate me. Go check it out! Go to my cyberhousemates list and click
on his golden door link, or:

http://knockinonthegoldendoor.mu.nu/archives/177653.php


Oh, that knife in my back is a-painin' me. Thanks OH SO MUCH for reminding me of your IMMUNITY!!! I will allow you to assist me with the bat-sparing do-rag...if you promise not to accidentally choke me with it.

5:57 PM  

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