Tuesday, July 18, 2006

HH Plays the AC

My Hillbilly Husband played the Annoying Card yesterday. That
puts him in the category of people who piss me off!

First cat out of the bag, as he likes to say, though we have never
put a cat in a bag, as the flailing claws tend to discourage us, HH
called me while I was cooking supper to announce that he was
broke. No, not as in you never give me any money and I forgot
to sneak some out of your purse this morning while you were
asleep, much like Kathy Griffin's ex-husband Matt allegedly
to the tune of $72,000 over a year and a half. No. Broke,
as in my car that you had to come rescue me from when the
cracked and you told me not to drive it to work even
though I
paid $175 for a new radiator and installed it myself
has quit
running yet again, and I am on the county road and
need a ride

This was not the news I wanted to hear as I prepared a culinary
treat of frozen hamburgers with pasteurized processed cheese
spread individually wrapped slices and a squirt of yellow mustard.
I told him he'd have to wait until dinner finished frying, and then
we'd come get him. We. Because everywhere I go, I must drag
my two reluctant sons like so many bloated mangey possums
hanging from my neck. I packed HH's burgers, made the #2 son
grab him half of a leftover root beer from yesterday out of the
fridge, and off we went in the 100 degree heat to pick up the
head of the family.

Was HH ready for us when we pulled up? Let me answer for you,
in case you don't swear: H*LL NO! He motioned for us to pull
over on the wrong side of the road while he went about gathering
his valuables and locking up the car. I declined this offer, shouting
that I would go turn around and come back for him. And a few
other things. Was he ready when we got back? H*LL NO! He
was still standing beside the car, then started gathering his things
and locking up.

Was he grateful for his supper? H*LL NO! Though he ate every
crumb, and drank every last drop of the left-over soda. He did
acknowledge that maybe I had mentioned that he shouldn't drive
that car until he tried it out around home a few times. Especially
on the hottest day of the year. HH took his truck to town for his
oldest boy to come help him hitch up the broken car and tow it
home, and then he took the son back to town to the baseball
field where he'd found him. Meanwhile, the two young sons were
whimpering because they'd planned an evening of swimming. I
couldn't take them out as usual because my Cefprozil rash flares
up in the heat, and I have to stay out of the sun. They finally got
in the pool at 8:30. We have no bedtime here at the mansion.

AND, to flaunt that Annoying Card a little bit more, HH left an
empty cup of strawberry yogurt and a spoon lying on the end
table for me to find this morning, as well as a dryer full of damp
jeans that he'd decided to wash late last night. That story has
already been told...how HH refuses to put his clothing in the
dirty clothes basket, so he does his own laundry. Which was
annoying to start with, but hey, less laundry for me to do. Until
this morning, when I needed the dryer.

So kind, I am. I put his junk on the floor until I was done, then
put it back in the dryer and ran it another cycle. I even folded
them in half and dumped them on his side of the bed, I'm so nice.

I have a whole deck of Annoying Cards. Want to play?


Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Unfortunately I set fire to your BARn..I was playing with fire works..does that class me as annoying?

8:53 PM  
Blogger LanternLight said...

Cazzie, as long as the Sonic place still stands, I don't think you'll get the AC card!

OH SO PRETTY one, I'm amazed how inconsiderate people are these days. Please & Thank You aren't used that much anymore.

1:22 AM  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Bloated mangy possums? Gosh, you can just feel the love radiating out from you, HM. It's positively electric, it is.


5:58 AM  
Blogger Redneck Diva said...

I do that same fold the jeans in half and throw 'em on his side of the bed, too! Are you sure maybe you and I aren't the same person, just like HH and Mr. Diva are the same person?

I do Mr. Diva's laundry, but I refuse to put it up. I will put it on hangers, I will dump it in a basket, and occasionally I will lay it on his side of the bed, but I won't go those four extra steps to the closet and the dresser. I'm making a point. Well, I would be making a point if he would open his eyes and pay attention.

But I digress.

8:44 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, I'll take part of the blame. I always knew the BARn was highly flammable, what with HH's stash of beer and hard liquor.

I can count on you to class up the joint a little bit. I'm sure you know proper manners, unlike the folks here in DoNotVille.

Yes, I luurrrrves my youn 'uns. It really shows, don't it?

We are in some weird twilight zone, where we ARE one and the same. Only you have more cats. But mine are long-term cats. Five is enough when they don't disappear weekly.

11:22 PM  

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