Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Oblivion Dinner Party Show

It's time for an episode of my new cooking show. I will be
preparing foods that my audience has requested. By 'requested',
I mean things people were searching for when they arrived at the

First of all, we must determine the oblivion dinner party number of
guests. It doesn't really matter how many, as long as you make
sure they have their nose stuffed up cant taste anything. It also
helps if you choose people who are cold, no taste.

The next order of business is to plan the menu. Don't forget that
your guests will most likely be used to the hillbilly hooch diet. And
while some chefs disagree, it is most commonly accepted that
rabbits are eaten only by hillbillies.

As the guests arrive, offer them a finger food, such as pringles
newton telescope homemade. With this crispy treat, a beverage
is in order. I suggest mountain dew name bottles mabel. Just
because I'd like to give a shout-out to my buddy, Mabel. She
is no stranger to the Pringles Newton telescope, that Mabel. In
fact, she scours the countryside for Pringles cans. It is rumored
that she discards the chips.

We will begin the dinner with individual servings of romaine lettuce
green bug, garnished with hidden valley bottled ranch dressing in the
80s. That is sure to whet their appetites for the ghost shrimp sucker

Our main courses are heavy in protein. Guests may choose from
braised dalmation tongues, roast midnight spank TV calico guinea
pig leg, fried headless chicken 2 years, and a lovely rack of child

For those guests who are jonesin' for some carbs, they can load
up on coon bottom cheese casserole, imagine virgin mary pancake,
and some black german shepherds 2 bread.

A good host or hostess will be prepared to answer any after-
dinner questions the guests may have. Such as:

What is stuck in my craw?
Where is the location of the toilet in mad monster mansion?
How many calories in hall mentho-lyptus cough drops?
Do you have any slap yo mama seasoning for sale?
How do you cut meth with baking soda?
Can you use sliced velveeta in the hanky panky recipe?
Can you use vicks vaporub liquid in a hot tub?

By following these simple suggestions, I guaranteeee you can
have a dinner party to rival that of Mary Richards, when she
served the Veal Prince Orloff, and Mr. Grant took 3 of the
6 servings for himself, and Rhoda's uninvited boyfriend had to
sit at the little table and eat half of Rhoda's meal. Or perhaps
Ellen's Martha Stewart dinner party, where her stove broke,
and she had to haul the cornish hens in a trashbag to her
upstairs neighbor's apartment for cooking, and Cousin Spence's
date came in full make-up for an episode of Babylon 5, and
Joe from BuyTheBook brought Martha Stewart herself.

I hope you have boned up on your culinary skills this episode.


And I also hope you continue to vote at Big Blogger 2, until
the contest is officially over and the winner is announced on


Blogger Redneck Diva said...

Cutting your meth with baking soda allows you to store it in the freezer to absorb odors, so it's not only great for rotting your teeth, it keeps your freezer smelling fresh as well. Plus, if you leave it in the Arm & Hammer box, the cops won't find it quite so easily. At least, that's what I hear.

Methinks you need to visit the library or the zoo or a casino...sounds like you've been watchin' a liiiiiiitle too much TV.

Trigger Gumm is attempting to break his world record motorcycle jump at Buffalo Run this weekend. Y'all should drive down for that. There might be some Pringles cans in the parking lot when it's over and you could take them back to Mabel. You've been awfully lucky at the lottery lately....a drive to Oklahoma might prove profitable....

9:57 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

You are truly a meth maven. Who knew?

HH is working. There'll be no Trigger Gumming for us. Mabel uses those Pringles cans for her class to make kaleidoscopes or some such thing. She SAYS...

10:32 PM  

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