Tuesday, June 06, 2006

A Family of Morons

OK. So we already know that HH belongs to this family. But today,
the boys and I got our a$$es handed to us on the stupidity platter.
It all started when we ventured to town for the daily Sonic Cherry
Diet Coke. I had decided to cash in part of our lottery winnings.

I chose the big tickets because they were cluttering up my purse.
I counted it up, and I told #1 son, "We have $50 worth to cash in
today, but we're not spending it all. So don't start begging. My
children don't fall far from the gambling tree...perhaps I should
curb their scratching. Nawww. They also like to nickel and dime
me with convenience store drinks or hot dogs or candy or toys.
Hey! They're allowed to have Sonic's wholesome goodness...it's
just the asking for stuff they see at the spur of the moment that gets
to me.The boundaries were set. I handed #1 the tickets. I said,
"Count it again to make sure." Because I was planning what tickets
I was going to buy with the spoils.

#1 son, our resident genius, counted. "That's $60, Mom." Well.
I thought I could count to 50 or 60 by 5s and 10s. I told him to
do it again. "Yep. It's $60 all right!" OK. I stand corrected.

We drove to town to claim our fortune. We waited in line behind
other gamblers cashing in tickets. This little gas station recently
sold a $300,000 winning ticket. In the past, they've had other
big winners. Perhaps they just promote it more. Anyhoo, we
stepped up for our turn. I handed the minimum-wage worker
our stash of $60 worth of winners. She scanned them. And said,
"Seventy-five dollars." Both boys' eyes widened. !!!! We were
pleased. And yet, we felt kind of dumb.

We got into the large SUV, and #1 said, "Imagine how many
winners we've thrown away because we can't count." I certainly
hope not. I don't know how we could have counted so badly.
Good thing they have that bar-code thingy that tells how much
they're really worth.

We proceeded to Country Mart, to buy tickets from their machine.
Between the convenience store and Country Mart, we bought 10
tickets. I had my list of odds, and my choices. I cautioned the kids
on the way to town: "Remember, we won more than our share by
the odds yesterday, so don't be surprised if we don't win today.
It all evens out."

I gave each boy 5 tickets to scratch. Little #2 has lottery fever.
He went at it. Again, I warned him, "Don't be disappointed if you
don't get a winner today." Next thing I know, he's shouting, "I've
got a winner!" It turned out to be $10. He went on scratching.
That boy had winners on 4 of his 5 tickets. #1 had one winner.
We had a variety today, with tickets costing from $10, 5, 3, 2,
and 1. We only won back half as much as we spent today, but
we're still ahead, and have a chunk of our $75 left. And we also
have $50 worth of tickets still to cash in.

I think.

HH and #1 son are gone to Lowes to get lumber for the 'deck'
that HH is building between the pool and the hot tub. It is triangle-
shaped, and has room for about two chairs. He said, "I've got to
get that lumber tonight. It's supposed to rain, and I don't want it
to get wet." Because a deck between a pool and hot tub is going
to remain dry for eternity, I suppose. Forget that part of our back
porch is rotting away because he has only treated the cedar twice
in 8 years. By cracky, we're a-gonna have us a dry deck, though!

While they're gone, I think I will search for a Mensa application.


Blogger Redneck Diva said...

I have yet to even purchase an OK Lottery ticket of any kind. Awhile back that chain letter with scratchers in 'em were floatin' around and I would take the scratcher and the letter but never sent out my 7 in return. Bad me. I think off of 4 letters I got I won $6. Not too shabby, I guess. Then I bought 3 more and won bupkis. Easy come, easy go, right?

But WHOOHOO on the $75! You are OH SO RICH!

10:07 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

See what happens when you break the chain? Bwahaha!

I hate those chain thingies. I get them in emails at school. I like reading them, but I don't like being commanded to send them to so many people in the next 30 minutes, or whatever. I don't have time for that. After all, I AM at work.

8:53 PM  
Blogger aka_monty said...

You teach math, right?

LOL ;) Just yankin' yer chain a little...I still use my fingers. :)

2:08 PM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

ACK! You're onto me! Yes. As a matter of fact, I DO teach math. And I'm teaching 3 new classes of it next year. Don't worry, parents in my school district...I can do that variable stuff and factoring and word problems. It's just adding that I seem to have a problem with.

Why, just today, I took in what I THOUGHT was $21 worth of winning lottery tickets, and that new little minimum-wage worker scanned them and said, "Twenty-two dollars." Who knew? I took that money and ran, baby! Ran to buy some more tickets, but my luck has leveled off, so I'm going to take a sabbatical from scratch-offs for oh, maybe 3 or 4 days. Or until a new game starts. I still have $64 worth (or so I THINK) left to cash in, so don't go worryin' about ol' Hillbilly Mom losin' the Mansion.

3:36 PM  

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