Our Pets Have Issues

The wasted end to a wasted day. The boys and I went down by
the mailboxes, where they threw rocks in the creek. WooHoo!
That's my exciting life. Eat your hearts out. I need a new recipe for
my Food Network show anyway. Braised hearts of envious blog
readers, in a horseradish sauce, served on a tower of garlic
mashed potatoes, with those little Chinese-food peas-in-a-pod
thingies on the side. OK, blending flavors is not my strong point.
By the end of the day, I'd say mine make as much sense as Bobby
Flay's recipes. Wink, wink. Cause ya know what I think about him.

Our boy poopie, Cubby, is forlorn. His precious Ann is missing.
Oh, we know she is missing. We are responsible. It was time for
her unfortunate 'operation', and she spent the night shut up in the
garage. Then this morning, she was spirited away to the vet, where
she will remain until Saturday afternoon. By 'spirited away', I mean
dragged on a leash out the garage door, and stuffed into a pet
carrier while peeing herself. My Hillbilly Husband is not known
for his patience.

Ann could not have food or drink after 10:00 p.m., so HH had
the idea to move my large SUV out of the garage, and park his
precious Scout sideways, and tie her to the trailer hitch with a
leash. I expressed my doubts as to this plan. #1 son and I even
went out to to check on her at 8:30, because to HH, no food
or drink after 10:00 p.m. means he made the poor poopie go
without her supper at 6:00, and shut her up at 8:00. We found
her running around the garage, having chewed through her leash.
We picked up all manner of things she would get into overnight.
Boxes of cardboard boxes waiting to be burned, fishing poles
with tasty handles and pointy hooks, wooden baseball bats, the
Scout with its foam rubber seats, plastic jugs with chewy hoses
used to mix pesticides, and an axe with a wooden handle.

She wimpered through the night, and Cubby set to wailing for
her. This morning, HH got out there before we did, and we
found her hiding behind the 4-wheeler, refusing to come out.
I know HH yelled at her, because last night every time we
checked, she was running around the garage, and came right
to us. We had to move the 4-wheeler to get to her. I'm sure
the yelling was due to the cat door. The cat door which I'd
asked HH, "Won't she get her head stuck in the cat door if
she tries to get out?" Nawww. She had chewed the plastic
stuff around the sides. I hope she didn't eat much, because
I'm pretty sure that 'no food' also means 'no plastic'. The vet
is keeping her overnight because we don't want her on the
dirty garage floor overnight, and if we leave her out, Cubby
will wrestle her stitches right out of her. They're rough, those
two, like a couple of wild animals.

This morning, HH threw a handful of fish food into our redneck
fish pond. The water is so green, the fish need little white canes
to find their way around. Our stupid cat was prowling around,
and our piggy tan-striped cat came running up out of the woods,
and our main cat, the orange-striped one, jumped down there
from the porch. HH said, "I think that dern dog has eaten our
fish." The goldfish that he bought from Wal*Mart for about $.50
apiece, and fed them like pigs headed for market. Now they are
about a foot long. I told him "I told you so" because I had wanted
to get rid of those poopies. They caught Cubby standing in the fish
pond the other day. Not as bad as the neighbor's Black Lab, who
swam in it daily, and even removed the pump for us and left it in
the front yard.

Anyhoo...I told HH maybe those cats were the ones eating the
fish, since they insist on drinking from that fish pond, (or from the
chlorinated pool water). They are always crouched around the
edge, watching, waiting. Just like this morning. Then we say why.
The piggy cat leaned over so far we thought he'd done gone
a-swimmin'. But no. He leaned over to eat the fish food pellets
right off the top of the water. Yeah. Cats so lazy they won't fish.
They steal the food right out of the fishes' mouths. Lazy bums.

They'd better at least bring me a frog, or a lizard without a tail,
or one of those cute baby moles. The rabbit with its legs eaten
off, I can do without.