Virtual Christmas Shopping
giving. It's almost NOVEMBER! So I have been doing a little
online Christmas shopping for my blogfriends. I have tried to
find just the right gift for each person.
Let's start with Rebecca, so she will feel important. Rebecca is
one of the few people who can insult me while making me
laugh. Rebecca has a problem finding shoes that fit, so I thought
this would make a good gift.
And you won't even have to
paint your toenails now, Bec!
Next, let's see what Hillbilly Santa has for DeadpanAnn. Miss
Ann is a fellow teacher. She knows all about nonsensical
bureaucracy, and kids who are doing the very best they can in
spite of how they've been raised, and about the kids we will
never be able to reach, even though we knock ourselves out
trying day after day. So for you, Sistah, I have two gifts. Don't
y'all go getting jealous of Miss Ann. Sometimes you just find
gifts that fit the person, and I found two for her and can't decide.
How about these little critters
to remind her of her ferrets-on-
And what's not to like
about this apple-for-the
teacher butt-pillow so she
can rest her tired feet?
Redneck Diva gets something to help ward off her spooky
spirits that fling things around her kitchen.
They will see these
ghoulies, and think:
"Gosh darn it! This house
is ALREADY haunted!"
Sorry, Diva, I didn't find
any yellow-jacket spray.
For Rachel, I have some nice reading material.
I believe she has a thirst for
knowledge. In fact, she yearns
for it. OK, I stole that from
Charlene on Designing Women.
But, hey...that show has been
off the air for over 10 years,
so maybe nobody will notice.
Misha, with all that wine your dad gives you as a gift, you
need something to keep it fresh.
That is, assuming you don't drink the
whole bottle at one sitting. I don't know
if that's a lot of wine or not. I've never
been a wine drinker. I think of it as grape
juice gone bad. Kind of like my blog is
writing gone bad. Sorry I didn't get you
SIX of them, girl. You'll just have to open
one bottle at a time.
My teacher friend, Mabel...you come last because you don't
have a blog, and can't complain about being last where everyone
can hear. Since you are clean, and like cows, I thought this
would be appropriate.
And you're not really last,
because I am buying myself
Here's what I'm getting myself:
The reason why is self-explanatory,
no? And why am I speaking with a
foreign syntax now?
I don't know some of my blogfriends' tastes well enough yet
to give them personalized gifts. You will all get a large tub of
home-made Chex mix. It is Hillbilly Mom's special recipe,
and it is spectacular. Just ask Mabel. She gets it every year.
For all of you who drop in but are too afraid of me to leave a
comment, help yourselves to a candy cane off the Christmas tree.
Well, once we put it up. Right now it is in a box beside the pool
table. The artificial one, not the real Scotch Pine one. We have
peppermint, cherry, Hawaiian Punch, and pina colada. And if any
of you have sugar issues, there is a bowl of Russell Stover Pecan
Delight sugar-free Turtles under the tree. OK, so they're from
eight years ago when I was pregnant with #2 son. These things
don't go bad, do they? Hey! They're FREE, people!
Do you think I'm rushing the season? One year I had all my
Christmas shopping done by October. If you don't celebrate
Christmas, and I've given you a gift, don't be offended. I meant
well. It's the thought that counts, right?